Woe! To Be Accepted.

Your Word Have I Hid in my Heart


Deuteronomy 6:5-8
These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Growing up I went to fifteen different summer and winter church camps in nine years. They usually took place in the mountains somewhere by a lake. I remember by the end of each week I was so hungry for God that He was all I thought about for weeks. There was something powerful about being away from peer pressure, up in the mountains surrounded by nature. If I could have stayed on the mountain forever I would have. Oh the years of misery I could have alleviated. But as soon as I'd get back into the old crowd, and the old lifestyle, God was pushed to the side and my life was falling down hill all over again. It wasn't that I didn't want to live right. I just didn't know how to. I had friends from Church who sat in a circle on the lawn at lunch time. They ate, and had fellowship. I was so jealous of their relationships. They actually socialized with each other outside of Church. I really wanted to join them but I could not pull myself away from the corrupt crowd I hung around with. I always felt so guilty sitting with them. I felt like a hypocrite. They heard the stories about me at the parties I attended. Everybody did. I felt unworthy of their friendships so I stayed far away from them. I try not to beat myself up because of my mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Even they have failed over the years. But at least they gave themselves a chance. I was always to afraid.

Thought to meditate on:
My Church friends never judged me. I was the one who judged me. It was my own guilt that kept me separated from some very nice people. At camp we got along great but at school I just couldn't join them. Personal guilt and self condemnation stood in my way. Drugs and alcohol was my god when I was down off that mountain and unfortunately would remain my central focus for a very long time.

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