So many roofing choices available; but where to begin? This is where the contractor comes in handy. A quality conscious, certified, contractor/roofer has the answers to your roofing questions. Use his expertise.
Start by choosing the proper roofing material for your home, remembering that most cities require a roof pitch of at least 3 to 12 for using shingles or shakes. A lower roof pitch requires alternate roofing material such as; tar & gravel, bitumen and roll roofing.
Although roof shingles are by far the most attractive, they do not properly seal. Shingles on a low pitch roof will leak. Unless you are planning on sealing the roof first with a rubber roofing material or a peel and stick adhesive, it's best to stay away from shingles.
With that said, most homes have a higher pitch, so shingles and shakes are acceptable.
When driving down a street it is the beautiful cedar shake rooftops you'll notice. If you have a contractor who specializes in quality, the life expectancy of a shingle roof can be anywhere from 20 to 40 years.
One of the best shingle roofing materials is the asphalt composition shingle. These shingles are made of an organic or fiberglass base with a topcoat of asphalt, covered with minerals, for weather resistance. This shingle comes in a wide variety of colors to fit any aesthetic need, and the great thing about asphalt shingles is they can be overlaid with new shingles as long as the initial layer remains in good condition.
With so many roofing material options available it is important to do your homework. Don't be fooled into the first plan of action you receive. Make sure to get several opinions from different contractors. Obtaining advice on material and contractors from your local hardware store is a highly recommended suggestion.
Lacy Enderson
Monday, May 26, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
How to fix a sloping floor.
When deciding how to fix a sloping floor one must know a few things. First; is the slope occurring in a slab or a raised foundation? Second, different methods are used depending on how far out of level the floor slopes. It is highly advised to find a contractor who is suited to answer floor sloping questions. This isn't a project one should try to repair on one's own. Expertise in this area is vitally important.
In a slab, if the floor isn't greatly out of level, the problem can be rectified with a self leveling concrete. This substance is poured into the given area. This method alone will level the floor. No additional work is required. Consider yourself fortunate if your problem is rectified by this procedure. Other procedures can be a lot more costly and difficult.
If a slab floor is greatly out of level, due to a possible unstable earth, the best way for leveling is quite expensive but works well; it is a concrete injection leveling system called Hydraulic Mud Jacking. You take the low areas of the floor, drill holes in the slab, pump concrete into the holes, which pushes the slab up to the proper level. This procedure is done by an authorized company specializing in raising floor slabs who also own the proper leveling instruments. This unfortunately is not a method one can do on one's own. There are other methods used, such as the screw jack, but the two mentioned above are the most popular.
If you are fortunate enough to have a raised foundation you will find raising the floor to level is a lot cheaper than raising a slab, not easier just less expensive. Because a raised foundation has crawl space underneath bottle jacks can be used to raise the house. Depending on the size of the house, single or double story, bottle jacks of different weights are used. They come in varying weights from a few tons to sixty tons.
After raising the house, objects such as shims are used under the structure where the floor needs raising to offer height. After removing the jacks the structure can then lowered onto the added supports. Depending on how much the house needs to be raised will determine how many shims are used.
Whether your home has a slab or a raised foundation, there is a solution for a sloping floor. Some solutions are easier, some are less expensive, but with the help of your local contractor you can come up with the right solution for your situation.
In a slab, if the floor isn't greatly out of level, the problem can be rectified with a self leveling concrete. This substance is poured into the given area. This method alone will level the floor. No additional work is required. Consider yourself fortunate if your problem is rectified by this procedure. Other procedures can be a lot more costly and difficult.
If a slab floor is greatly out of level, due to a possible unstable earth, the best way for leveling is quite expensive but works well; it is a concrete injection leveling system called Hydraulic Mud Jacking. You take the low areas of the floor, drill holes in the slab, pump concrete into the holes, which pushes the slab up to the proper level. This procedure is done by an authorized company specializing in raising floor slabs who also own the proper leveling instruments. This unfortunately is not a method one can do on one's own. There are other methods used, such as the screw jack, but the two mentioned above are the most popular.
If you are fortunate enough to have a raised foundation you will find raising the floor to level is a lot cheaper than raising a slab, not easier just less expensive. Because a raised foundation has crawl space underneath bottle jacks can be used to raise the house. Depending on the size of the house, single or double story, bottle jacks of different weights are used. They come in varying weights from a few tons to sixty tons.
After raising the house, objects such as shims are used under the structure where the floor needs raising to offer height. After removing the jacks the structure can then lowered onto the added supports. Depending on how much the house needs to be raised will determine how many shims are used.
Whether your home has a slab or a raised foundation, there is a solution for a sloping floor. Some solutions are easier, some are less expensive, but with the help of your local contractor you can come up with the right solution for your situation.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
First time home buyer!
How great is that? My husband and I are buying a house. We are buying a house at the perfect time. It seems that every house around me has dropped down to the prices they were at five years ago just so I can buy my first house. I find it kind that everyone saw fit to give up all their equity just for me. I am very excited. We put an offer on a house and went into escrow today. Of course we still have to submit loan papers and every other document known to mankind, but the fact that my husband is a veteran and we have a 0 down is what makes this possible. Not only do we benefit from a CalVet loan, because my husband is 100% military service connected, we do not pay a funding fee and no property taxes. That saves us a minimum of $500.00 on our house payment. I am jazzed to say the least. I actually thought we would never be able to buy a house. Especially here in Simi valley where the fixer uppers were going for $550,000. But God has shed His mercy on us. We just made an offer on a great house for $399,000. Now I call that sweet. I will keep you posted.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Book Review: The Glass Menagerie
"The Glass Menagerie" is portrayed best as a collection of symbols used to add meaning to the overall theme of the play. Different meanings are given to the fire escape, Jim, the glass menagerie, the unicorn, blue roses, rainbows, religion, lighting, and music. Paying close attention, one can see the relationship between each symbol and the authors own life.
Glimpsing into the life of a family during the pre-war depression era presents objects, characters, and figures as symbols and imagery, expressing escape techniques, as well as hopeful aspirations, for those who are constantly left with bitter disappointment. The play, "The Glass Menagerie," by Tennessee Williams, is a memory play filled with remarkable use of symbols to portray the destruction and failure of hopes and dreams.
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The fire escape, in the play, is the entrance to the Wingfield's apartment. It is symbolic and carries a different meaning for each character. To Tom, the fire escape represents a way out of his unfortunate reality and an escape from his fiery frustrations. He longs to step out into a better world. Frequently Tom steps out onto the fire escape to smoke, symbolizing the first step towards freedom. Smoking also calms his nerves. Tom is suffocating in the apartment. His desperation intensifies as he craves a separation from his mother.
For Laura, the fire escape leads the way into a safe haven. Laura longs to be inside of the apartment protected from the world. The fire escape offers one way in or out. Laura's refuge is found inside. An interesting scene shows Laura stumbling on her way out to run an errand for her mother. Her fall symbolizes her weakness and frailty as she attempts to leave her comfort zone.
The fire escape is also symbolic of Amanda's desire to find a partner for her daughter. As Jim enters into the apartment through the fire escape, Amanda's hopes elevate and she grows increasingly excited about her daughter's prospective husband. Of course when she finds out Jim is engaged, her dreams crumble and she feels disappointed. To Amanda, the fire escape is an escape from the fear of Laura's desolate future. She worries her daughter will die an old maid. Her dreams include the hope that some young man will come through the door and sweep Laura off her feet.
Another symbol used in the play is the character Jim. To Laura, Jim represents her fear of reality. Jim is a common man and somewhat awkward with a passion for technology. Upon entering the Wingfield's dysfunctional apartment, Jim represents one of the glass animals, stationary and static. Jim soon realizes he must get back into the world which is constantly changing. Staying in the stagnant apartment is too depressing for Jim, and he declares his engagement to another woman and leaves.
To Amanda, Jim is a reminder of her younger days when handsome men would come to call on her. Amanda spends most of her time living in the past. This keeps her distanced from her reality. Jim is Amanda's object of hope. Jim represents Amanda's youth.
The glass menagerie is a collection of glass animals which represents all the characters as a whole, and has symbolic meaning for each character individually. The fragile glass symbolizes Laura. She is delicate, frail, weak, and easily broken. "The glass menagerie itself embodies the fragility of Laura's world" (Bloom 11). The frailty of her private world leads her to hide away from reality. Laura is depicted as one who has a full imagination and unrealistic ideas. She suffers from a physical and emotional handicap. Her glass animals are unreal too.
The glass figurines, which are unmoving, symbolize Amanda's need to create for Laura a thrilling life as she had once experienced. "Amanda soon reveals herself as a symbol of a devouring woman" (Tischler 33). She lives to intervene on behalf of her children, regardless of their desire for her to stop.
Another symbolic object in the play is the glass unicorn. The glass unicorn sits on a shelf surrounded by glass horses. Laura states that the unicorn is content amongst the more normal animals. Just as Laura understands her differences, she claims neither her nor the unicorn complain. After Jim reveals to Laura his engagement, the horn of the unicorn accidentally breaks off. This symbolizes that Laura too is becoming more normal, less shy. The unicorn loses its uniqueness and so does Laura.
Once noticed as the black sheep amongst all the other high school students, Laura realizes she really isn't that much different from the rest. When Jim kisses Laura and then tells her about his engagement, it breaks her heart and leaves her feeling more like everyone else. Broken as the unicorn's horn, she gives the unicorn to Jim which symbolizes her leaving him with part of her broken heart.
The blue roses in the play are also symbolic. The author's sister, whom the character of Laura is based, is named Rose. In High School Jim's nickname for Laura was blue roses "because it sounded like the word pleurisy, the illness that kept Laura from school for a spell" (Leiter 232). As roses are not ordinarily blue, Jim alludes to Laura that she is no ordinary girl. Laura acknowledges that the color blue is wrong for a flower, however, she accepts the name for herself as one who is unique. Roses are beautiful but not blue, just as Laura is a real woman, yet far too frail to be considered as one.
Rainbows have symbolic meaning in the play. Rainbows are known as objects of hope, yet somehow each depiction of a rainbow represents a less than hopeful situation. High expectations end up in disastrous disappointment for the characters. After spending time at a magic show Tom comes home with a rainbow colored scarf that turns goldfish into canaries. These birds fly away, just as Tom wishes he could. Even though Tom eventually leaves the house, he is haunted by memories of his mother and worry for his sister.
Another depiction of rainbows is seen in the chandeliers at the dance hall. These rainbow prisms foreshadow the dance that Laura and Jim share in her room. Although the dance is filled with hope, Laura's dreams are quickly shattered. Light shining down on the glass menagerie creates a rainbow of colors representing the beauty hidden inside Laura as she hides from the world.
In the play, Amanda practices Christian rituals, yet both of her children detest her hypocrisy. Their mother pretends to be a believer, but treats them with disrespect and selfishness. Tom and Laura are not Christians. The only time Tom uses Christian expressions is in blasphemy. Before eating, Amanda encourages the saying of grace, but the children each interrupt the prayer, Tom in scene one and Laura in scene six.
The music heard in the background, as Laura confesses dropping out of school, is "Ave Maria." This song symbolizes her pitiful feelings. Jim symbolizes the savior for Laura and Amanda. Waiting for Jim's arrival, both women dress ceremonial-like, and the scene is titled "Annunciation." The dress Amanda takes from the trunk is termed "resurrected." The women prepare fish for dinner. In the beginning of scene four, a deep voice church bell is heard ringing. After Jim kisses Laura, the stage direction informs the audience that "The holy candles in the altar of Laura's face have been snuffed out" (Cooper 627).
Lighting techniques in the play are used to create imagery. During each scene the lights are used to portray certain moods and tones. The lights symbolize hope as does the rainbow. But each hope is quickly shattered. During one of the scenes when Amanda and Tom quarrel, some of Laura's glass collection gets broken. The audience sees one solitary ray of light shining down upon Laura's face, showing her disappointment and sorrow. The light symbolizes Laura's grief.
Amanda tells Tom to make a wish. The audience sees a small light from the moon symbolizing Tom's hope for the wish to come true. A few times in the play there is a blackout. The darkness is used to symbolize the transitions from hope to pain. Flickering candle lights portray wavering between hope and disappointment. The main lights flickering portray lightning.
"Tennessee Williams's keen appreciation of the power of music to create atmosphere and define character is evident throughout his canon" (McCraw 763). Music is used to emphasize themes and enhance drama. Sometimes the music is heard only by the audience and not the characters. In a few scenes, music is played as part of the action and provides explanation on what is taking place in the play. The song, The Glass Menagerie, written for the play, is heard when Laura comes to the front of the stage with her glass menagerie and when Laura speaks of her mother's fear that she will die an old maid. Laura drowns out her mother's disapproval by playing old phonograph records left by her father when he abandons the family. While Tom dreams of escaping his dreary life, sad music is heard from the dance hall.
Glimpsing into the life of a family during the pre-war depression era presents objects, characters, and figures as symbols and imagery, expressing escape techniques, as well as hopeful aspirations, for those who are constantly left with bitter disappointment. The play, "The Glass Menagerie," by Tennessee Williams, is a memory play filled with remarkable use of symbols to portray the destruction and failure of hopes and dreams.
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The fire escape, in the play, is the entrance to the Wingfield's apartment. It is symbolic and carries a different meaning for each character. To Tom, the fire escape represents a way out of his unfortunate reality and an escape from his fiery frustrations. He longs to step out into a better world. Frequently Tom steps out onto the fire escape to smoke, symbolizing the first step towards freedom. Smoking also calms his nerves. Tom is suffocating in the apartment. His desperation intensifies as he craves a separation from his mother.
For Laura, the fire escape leads the way into a safe haven. Laura longs to be inside of the apartment protected from the world. The fire escape offers one way in or out. Laura's refuge is found inside. An interesting scene shows Laura stumbling on her way out to run an errand for her mother. Her fall symbolizes her weakness and frailty as she attempts to leave her comfort zone.
The fire escape is also symbolic of Amanda's desire to find a partner for her daughter. As Jim enters into the apartment through the fire escape, Amanda's hopes elevate and she grows increasingly excited about her daughter's prospective husband. Of course when she finds out Jim is engaged, her dreams crumble and she feels disappointed. To Amanda, the fire escape is an escape from the fear of Laura's desolate future. She worries her daughter will die an old maid. Her dreams include the hope that some young man will come through the door and sweep Laura off her feet.
Another symbol used in the play is the character Jim. To Laura, Jim represents her fear of reality. Jim is a common man and somewhat awkward with a passion for technology. Upon entering the Wingfield's dysfunctional apartment, Jim represents one of the glass animals, stationary and static. Jim soon realizes he must get back into the world which is constantly changing. Staying in the stagnant apartment is too depressing for Jim, and he declares his engagement to another woman and leaves.
To Amanda, Jim is a reminder of her younger days when handsome men would come to call on her. Amanda spends most of her time living in the past. This keeps her distanced from her reality. Jim is Amanda's object of hope. Jim represents Amanda's youth.
The glass menagerie is a collection of glass animals which represents all the characters as a whole, and has symbolic meaning for each character individually. The fragile glass symbolizes Laura. She is delicate, frail, weak, and easily broken. "The glass menagerie itself embodies the fragility of Laura's world" (Bloom 11). The frailty of her private world leads her to hide away from reality. Laura is depicted as one who has a full imagination and unrealistic ideas. She suffers from a physical and emotional handicap. Her glass animals are unreal too.
The glass figurines, which are unmoving, symbolize Amanda's need to create for Laura a thrilling life as she had once experienced. "Amanda soon reveals herself as a symbol of a devouring woman" (Tischler 33). She lives to intervene on behalf of her children, regardless of their desire for her to stop.
Another symbolic object in the play is the glass unicorn. The glass unicorn sits on a shelf surrounded by glass horses. Laura states that the unicorn is content amongst the more normal animals. Just as Laura understands her differences, she claims neither her nor the unicorn complain. After Jim reveals to Laura his engagement, the horn of the unicorn accidentally breaks off. This symbolizes that Laura too is becoming more normal, less shy. The unicorn loses its uniqueness and so does Laura.
Once noticed as the black sheep amongst all the other high school students, Laura realizes she really isn't that much different from the rest. When Jim kisses Laura and then tells her about his engagement, it breaks her heart and leaves her feeling more like everyone else. Broken as the unicorn's horn, she gives the unicorn to Jim which symbolizes her leaving him with part of her broken heart.
The blue roses in the play are also symbolic. The author's sister, whom the character of Laura is based, is named Rose. In High School Jim's nickname for Laura was blue roses "because it sounded like the word pleurisy, the illness that kept Laura from school for a spell" (Leiter 232). As roses are not ordinarily blue, Jim alludes to Laura that she is no ordinary girl. Laura acknowledges that the color blue is wrong for a flower, however, she accepts the name for herself as one who is unique. Roses are beautiful but not blue, just as Laura is a real woman, yet far too frail to be considered as one.
Rainbows have symbolic meaning in the play. Rainbows are known as objects of hope, yet somehow each depiction of a rainbow represents a less than hopeful situation. High expectations end up in disastrous disappointment for the characters. After spending time at a magic show Tom comes home with a rainbow colored scarf that turns goldfish into canaries. These birds fly away, just as Tom wishes he could. Even though Tom eventually leaves the house, he is haunted by memories of his mother and worry for his sister.
Another depiction of rainbows is seen in the chandeliers at the dance hall. These rainbow prisms foreshadow the dance that Laura and Jim share in her room. Although the dance is filled with hope, Laura's dreams are quickly shattered. Light shining down on the glass menagerie creates a rainbow of colors representing the beauty hidden inside Laura as she hides from the world.
In the play, Amanda practices Christian rituals, yet both of her children detest her hypocrisy. Their mother pretends to be a believer, but treats them with disrespect and selfishness. Tom and Laura are not Christians. The only time Tom uses Christian expressions is in blasphemy. Before eating, Amanda encourages the saying of grace, but the children each interrupt the prayer, Tom in scene one and Laura in scene six.
The music heard in the background, as Laura confesses dropping out of school, is "Ave Maria." This song symbolizes her pitiful feelings. Jim symbolizes the savior for Laura and Amanda. Waiting for Jim's arrival, both women dress ceremonial-like, and the scene is titled "Annunciation." The dress Amanda takes from the trunk is termed "resurrected." The women prepare fish for dinner. In the beginning of scene four, a deep voice church bell is heard ringing. After Jim kisses Laura, the stage direction informs the audience that "The holy candles in the altar of Laura's face have been snuffed out" (Cooper 627).
Lighting techniques in the play are used to create imagery. During each scene the lights are used to portray certain moods and tones. The lights symbolize hope as does the rainbow. But each hope is quickly shattered. During one of the scenes when Amanda and Tom quarrel, some of Laura's glass collection gets broken. The audience sees one solitary ray of light shining down upon Laura's face, showing her disappointment and sorrow. The light symbolizes Laura's grief.
Amanda tells Tom to make a wish. The audience sees a small light from the moon symbolizing Tom's hope for the wish to come true. A few times in the play there is a blackout. The darkness is used to symbolize the transitions from hope to pain. Flickering candle lights portray wavering between hope and disappointment. The main lights flickering portray lightning.
"Tennessee Williams's keen appreciation of the power of music to create atmosphere and define character is evident throughout his canon" (McCraw 763). Music is used to emphasize themes and enhance drama. Sometimes the music is heard only by the audience and not the characters. In a few scenes, music is played as part of the action and provides explanation on what is taking place in the play. The song, The Glass Menagerie, written for the play, is heard when Laura comes to the front of the stage with her glass menagerie and when Laura speaks of her mother's fear that she will die an old maid. Laura drowns out her mother's disapproval by playing old phonograph records left by her father when he abandons the family. While Tom dreams of escaping his dreary life, sad music is heard from the dance hall.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Off the desert highway!
My husband and I planned a great trip that I easily could have missed. The destination was my grandma's house in Albuquerque. We organized the trip months in advance. I confirmed that we would drive straight to New Mexico from California through Arizona making no stops along the way. I wanted to spend all of my vacation with my grandma. Prior to departure my husband laid out a map and put a big circle around the Grand Canyon. He loves historical landmarks. I have no interest in them at all. We exchanged a few stern words and again agreed the trip would proceed directly as planned.
Along the way the unpredictable weather had our attention. Off in the distance up in the sky dark clouds covered the horizon. We could see nothing past the blackness up ahead. The sun shining brightly in the sky quickly disappeared as we were ushered right into the middle of a powerful rain storm. Fear mixed with silent apprehension as we slowed down. After a few minutes of blinding rain we exited this darkness to immerge once again into bright sunny skies. Passing through four heavy downpours had my heart beating.
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I like the desert. My perfect vacation is a drive through the wilderness. I see the beauty in tall mountains surrounded by endless colors of rustic browns. At night in the desert where the sky meets the road the stars appear so close I feel as if I could reach out and grab them with my hands. I want nothing hindering the spectacular vision before me. Tall trees only block my view.
Arriving at a little town in Arizona called Williams we stopped at a gas station to inquire about a room for the night. Inside my husband noticed a brochure advertising the Grand Canyon. He asked the attendant how long the drive would be. She said to follow the road north for 45 minutes. My husband quickly turned to look at me with an inquiring gaze. I shook my head and said I had no interest in seeing the Grand Canyon, but I would leave it up to him to decide.
All of a sudden a curious place of anxiety started stirring within me. I found myself excited at the possibility of finally seeing this natural wonder. I felt amazed that we were actually so close. When my husband looked at me and said, "You have got to see the Grand Canyon," I did not argue.
Highway 64 owned a unique sense. Passing by forests of tall ponderosa pines and junipers offered a vision of beauty. The smell of the sage brush in the air brought a truly sensational feeling of serenity that encompassed my whole being. I found myself completely immersed in what I had tried so hard to avoid.
Favoring mountains and desert is acceptable but I had denied myself the splendor of the woodlands. I made a decision at that moment to allow myself a life full of new and exciting opportunities. I was ready to break out of the mold and seek novel and different locations. Creating memories I could relive forever became an important concept. And to think I hadn't even arrived yet at our destination. The exhilaration of the Grand Canyon somewhere up ahead heightened the closer we got.
I read somewhere that the approach to the Grand Canyon gives no hint of what awaits. That reference is an absolute understatement. Driving up to the canyon I felt a sense of awe like I had never felt before. Looking over into this vast mountain abyss left me speechless. I sat gazing at the enormity of this amazing creature. The depth and the scope of the size were beyond my comprehension.
Driving from one ridge to the next, peering out over each edge, I felt weightless and all fear of heights vanished. Although each range had a similar appearance every view was spectacular. I had never seen anything like the Grand Canyon before and I was convinced I never would. It was definitely one of the most beautiful and magnificent sites I have ever seen. And to think I almost missed it.
Along the way the unpredictable weather had our attention. Off in the distance up in the sky dark clouds covered the horizon. We could see nothing past the blackness up ahead. The sun shining brightly in the sky quickly disappeared as we were ushered right into the middle of a powerful rain storm. Fear mixed with silent apprehension as we slowed down. After a few minutes of blinding rain we exited this darkness to immerge once again into bright sunny skies. Passing through four heavy downpours had my heart beating.
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I like the desert. My perfect vacation is a drive through the wilderness. I see the beauty in tall mountains surrounded by endless colors of rustic browns. At night in the desert where the sky meets the road the stars appear so close I feel as if I could reach out and grab them with my hands. I want nothing hindering the spectacular vision before me. Tall trees only block my view.
Arriving at a little town in Arizona called Williams we stopped at a gas station to inquire about a room for the night. Inside my husband noticed a brochure advertising the Grand Canyon. He asked the attendant how long the drive would be. She said to follow the road north for 45 minutes. My husband quickly turned to look at me with an inquiring gaze. I shook my head and said I had no interest in seeing the Grand Canyon, but I would leave it up to him to decide.
All of a sudden a curious place of anxiety started stirring within me. I found myself excited at the possibility of finally seeing this natural wonder. I felt amazed that we were actually so close. When my husband looked at me and said, "You have got to see the Grand Canyon," I did not argue.
Highway 64 owned a unique sense. Passing by forests of tall ponderosa pines and junipers offered a vision of beauty. The smell of the sage brush in the air brought a truly sensational feeling of serenity that encompassed my whole being. I found myself completely immersed in what I had tried so hard to avoid.
Favoring mountains and desert is acceptable but I had denied myself the splendor of the woodlands. I made a decision at that moment to allow myself a life full of new and exciting opportunities. I was ready to break out of the mold and seek novel and different locations. Creating memories I could relive forever became an important concept. And to think I hadn't even arrived yet at our destination. The exhilaration of the Grand Canyon somewhere up ahead heightened the closer we got.
I read somewhere that the approach to the Grand Canyon gives no hint of what awaits. That reference is an absolute understatement. Driving up to the canyon I felt a sense of awe like I had never felt before. Looking over into this vast mountain abyss left me speechless. I sat gazing at the enormity of this amazing creature. The depth and the scope of the size were beyond my comprehension.
Driving from one ridge to the next, peering out over each edge, I felt weightless and all fear of heights vanished. Although each range had a similar appearance every view was spectacular. I had never seen anything like the Grand Canyon before and I was convinced I never would. It was definitely one of the most beautiful and magnificent sites I have ever seen. And to think I almost missed it.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Aging Gracefully
I remember growing up and thinking 50 was old. I guess everyone seemed old when I was a child. Now that I am 45, there is nothing old about me. Sure, I have a few more aches and pains than I had at age 20, but I feel good. I get up early every morning and walk my treadmill for thirty minutes. I try to eat right during the day so I can have chocolate for dessert at night. I work for the school district with kids so I am forced into youth related activities. Actually, I like my age and I would not trade it down for anything. Age is in the eye of the beholder. I prefer to see the aging process as an exciting adventure. Who knows what God has in store for my future? Only when I get older will I see His plans unfold.
Although God did not design old age from the beginning, He uses old age for our good purpose. As we age we grow more dependent on Him. As our bodies grow older we are forced to slow down. Old age is an optimum time to spend studying God’s Word, spending time in prayer or participating in social groups with other people of the same age. During middle age life is filled to capacity with work, family, chores, etc. There is little time to sit back and relax. Old age offers this luxury.
God’s best was eternity in the garden. His goal was to create perfect people who would love Him forever. But man failed. God’s plan was thwarted. Although His initial life span was forever, after the fall, He shortened lives. The ultimate deterioration of man required man to die younger. The effects of old age could not endure the length of life God originally planned. But that is when the message of salvation becomes so important. People afraid of dying need to hear about eternal life in heaven. Hopefully by old age, most people will know the Lord, but for those who don't, the message of heaven brings hope.
I attend a church of about sixty members. Most are over the age of 70. It has been a pleasure spending time with people who are the same ages and older than my parents. It is amazing how age becomes less of an issue the older we get. The couples we go to lunch with could be our grandparents. These people are vibrant, full of life, love the Lord, and as far as I can tell, never slow down. A few of the older men are crossing guards. After retirement they got jobs. They also attend weekly, retired men, breakfast meetings. They say they enjoy the fellowship with other retirees.
I am learning a lot from these elderly people about quality of life after retirement. I have yet to see a retired person lay down to die. Of course it would be different for those who do not know the Lord. Without a heavenly hope one could surely fear frailty. As a biblical counselor I would discuss Abraham and Moses and show the counselee how much they accomplished well into their old age. The Bible has quite a few good examples of average people doing extraordinary things in later life.
Accepting the aging process is vital to happiness. I often wonder just how old I will look at 60. My mom looks great for her age. She is 66. Yet she complains all the time about her neck and her eyes. I think her concern is because my dad passed away and she is dating again. I see a lot of older people growing old gracefully. I stare at them often. I find it fascinating that they can age like they do, in and around the face, and yet never seem to care. And if they do, they sure do not let on. I hope I too am free from vanity when I am old.
Lately there are many movie stars who look terrible because they could not allow themselves to age. It is sad to see older people trying to look young again. Plastic surgery is not a cure-all. Maybe the skin can be pulled and tightened, but the result is not always pretty. Some of these stars do not even look the same. I think it is a shame there is so much self-importance in people. Like I said, I hope I can humbly accept the aging process. Human nature wants to look good for as long as possible. I understand that. At 45 I thank God I look as good as I do. I just pray that people would focus more on the inside than the outside. Peace and joy come from a Spirit filled heart not a wrinkle-less face.
Nowadays seniors are doing more, longer. I see a lot of older people walking, and shopping, and just out and about. No longer is age 50 old. Age 70 is not even old. Recently at our church makeover, it was the 70 year olds that were tearing down drywall and sweeping. It was the 80 year olds wheeling the wheelbarrows full of debris to the trash containers. A few older men in my church took a two week drive up the coast. Three 80 year old men took a road trip and all three came back looking good as new. Of course their wives must have worried about them, we young folk did, but that is the amazing reality of the old lately, they do not just curl up on the sofa and die.
Growing old with financial security requires planning. When my father unexpectedly died at age 66 my mom was devastated. Not only did she lose her husband of 42 years, she lost her provider. My mom was a stay at home mom, and even after all four of her children left the house, she remained a housekeeper. My father was not prepared to die. He did not have any savings; his life insurance only covered the credit card debt. Lucky for my mom, her house was paid for. I would counsel all couples to begin financial preparations early. Why wait until old age creeps in and there isn't enough money to enjoy retirement? Or even enough money to live? Nobody expects a tragedy, but preparation, just in case, is highly advised.
My grandma, age 88, lives in New Mexico. We live in California. My mom lives alone in a three bedroom house. She has asked my grandma many times to come live with her. My grandma says she will never live with her kids. She has a small senior home with low rent. She says she would come to California and live in her own place, but California is too expensive. My mom has shared on several occasions she will never live with her kids. Instead of selling her home and downsizing, she says she must keep the equity locked into the house in case something ever happens to her. She says she never wants to be a financial burden on us. Of course my siblings and I think she is ridiculous; my grandma too. We feel family should be close to help each other.
Assisted living centers are springing up everywhere. For those who can afford the luxury, they are a perfect alternative to living on ones own, but most seniors cannot afford assisted living and must revert to lower grade homes. For the elderly who refuse to live with family or for those who have no family, choices of quality care are few. I personally would rather have my mom move in with me than to have her in some of the lower rated homes. Hopefully she will live a long, healthy life, never needing any outside help. We can only hope. As for my grandma, my mom worries about her, living so far away; if something should happen, her family would not be near enough to help.
If parents get to senile to make quality decisions on their own, children can make decisions for them. It is a good idea to sit down and discuss situations while parents and children can effectively communicate. The family can lay out ground rules for different scenarios. No one can predict the future health of any person. Some very healthy young people have died abruptly from heart attacks. Nothing should be discounted as a possibility. Every situation and possible solution must be discussed. It is one thing for a stubborn parent to refuse a room in a child’s home; it is another when a parent with Alzheimer’s has to move in. If proper planning is accomplished, there should be no surprises.
Getting old is a reality for everyone. No one can escape the aging process. What happens during old age is entirely up to the individual. Having a good perception makes a big difference. Planning and preparing financially, looking into possible housing needs, discussing the future with children, are all beneficial and can help make the aging process not only comfortable, but pleasant as well. Why waste what could be the most enjoyable years of one’s life? Everyone gets old, plan on it.
Although God did not design old age from the beginning, He uses old age for our good purpose. As we age we grow more dependent on Him. As our bodies grow older we are forced to slow down. Old age is an optimum time to spend studying God’s Word, spending time in prayer or participating in social groups with other people of the same age. During middle age life is filled to capacity with work, family, chores, etc. There is little time to sit back and relax. Old age offers this luxury.
God’s best was eternity in the garden. His goal was to create perfect people who would love Him forever. But man failed. God’s plan was thwarted. Although His initial life span was forever, after the fall, He shortened lives. The ultimate deterioration of man required man to die younger. The effects of old age could not endure the length of life God originally planned. But that is when the message of salvation becomes so important. People afraid of dying need to hear about eternal life in heaven. Hopefully by old age, most people will know the Lord, but for those who don't, the message of heaven brings hope.
I attend a church of about sixty members. Most are over the age of 70. It has been a pleasure spending time with people who are the same ages and older than my parents. It is amazing how age becomes less of an issue the older we get. The couples we go to lunch with could be our grandparents. These people are vibrant, full of life, love the Lord, and as far as I can tell, never slow down. A few of the older men are crossing guards. After retirement they got jobs. They also attend weekly, retired men, breakfast meetings. They say they enjoy the fellowship with other retirees.
I am learning a lot from these elderly people about quality of life after retirement. I have yet to see a retired person lay down to die. Of course it would be different for those who do not know the Lord. Without a heavenly hope one could surely fear frailty. As a biblical counselor I would discuss Abraham and Moses and show the counselee how much they accomplished well into their old age. The Bible has quite a few good examples of average people doing extraordinary things in later life.
Accepting the aging process is vital to happiness. I often wonder just how old I will look at 60. My mom looks great for her age. She is 66. Yet she complains all the time about her neck and her eyes. I think her concern is because my dad passed away and she is dating again. I see a lot of older people growing old gracefully. I stare at them often. I find it fascinating that they can age like they do, in and around the face, and yet never seem to care. And if they do, they sure do not let on. I hope I too am free from vanity when I am old.
Lately there are many movie stars who look terrible because they could not allow themselves to age. It is sad to see older people trying to look young again. Plastic surgery is not a cure-all. Maybe the skin can be pulled and tightened, but the result is not always pretty. Some of these stars do not even look the same. I think it is a shame there is so much self-importance in people. Like I said, I hope I can humbly accept the aging process. Human nature wants to look good for as long as possible. I understand that. At 45 I thank God I look as good as I do. I just pray that people would focus more on the inside than the outside. Peace and joy come from a Spirit filled heart not a wrinkle-less face.
Nowadays seniors are doing more, longer. I see a lot of older people walking, and shopping, and just out and about. No longer is age 50 old. Age 70 is not even old. Recently at our church makeover, it was the 70 year olds that were tearing down drywall and sweeping. It was the 80 year olds wheeling the wheelbarrows full of debris to the trash containers. A few older men in my church took a two week drive up the coast. Three 80 year old men took a road trip and all three came back looking good as new. Of course their wives must have worried about them, we young folk did, but that is the amazing reality of the old lately, they do not just curl up on the sofa and die.
Growing old with financial security requires planning. When my father unexpectedly died at age 66 my mom was devastated. Not only did she lose her husband of 42 years, she lost her provider. My mom was a stay at home mom, and even after all four of her children left the house, she remained a housekeeper. My father was not prepared to die. He did not have any savings; his life insurance only covered the credit card debt. Lucky for my mom, her house was paid for. I would counsel all couples to begin financial preparations early. Why wait until old age creeps in and there isn't enough money to enjoy retirement? Or even enough money to live? Nobody expects a tragedy, but preparation, just in case, is highly advised.
My grandma, age 88, lives in New Mexico. We live in California. My mom lives alone in a three bedroom house. She has asked my grandma many times to come live with her. My grandma says she will never live with her kids. She has a small senior home with low rent. She says she would come to California and live in her own place, but California is too expensive. My mom has shared on several occasions she will never live with her kids. Instead of selling her home and downsizing, she says she must keep the equity locked into the house in case something ever happens to her. She says she never wants to be a financial burden on us. Of course my siblings and I think she is ridiculous; my grandma too. We feel family should be close to help each other.
Assisted living centers are springing up everywhere. For those who can afford the luxury, they are a perfect alternative to living on ones own, but most seniors cannot afford assisted living and must revert to lower grade homes. For the elderly who refuse to live with family or for those who have no family, choices of quality care are few. I personally would rather have my mom move in with me than to have her in some of the lower rated homes. Hopefully she will live a long, healthy life, never needing any outside help. We can only hope. As for my grandma, my mom worries about her, living so far away; if something should happen, her family would not be near enough to help.
If parents get to senile to make quality decisions on their own, children can make decisions for them. It is a good idea to sit down and discuss situations while parents and children can effectively communicate. The family can lay out ground rules for different scenarios. No one can predict the future health of any person. Some very healthy young people have died abruptly from heart attacks. Nothing should be discounted as a possibility. Every situation and possible solution must be discussed. It is one thing for a stubborn parent to refuse a room in a child’s home; it is another when a parent with Alzheimer’s has to move in. If proper planning is accomplished, there should be no surprises.
Getting old is a reality for everyone. No one can escape the aging process. What happens during old age is entirely up to the individual. Having a good perception makes a big difference. Planning and preparing financially, looking into possible housing needs, discussing the future with children, are all beneficial and can help make the aging process not only comfortable, but pleasant as well. Why waste what could be the most enjoyable years of one’s life? Everyone gets old, plan on it.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Quitting Smoking
The success rate for those trying to quit a bad habit is low. The enemy attacks our minds and bodies with such force we fail before we ever begin. He encourages filthy habits to fester within us. And he is good at using temptation to lure us back again.
Some addictions are mental and some are physical, but regardless, the withdrawal symptoms are tremendous. I have quit smoking many times. After a couple of days clean I always start smoking again.
I am miserable without my Nicotine. I instigate fights. I argue. I cry. I can't function. All because my body is crying out for the substance it craves. If I could go back in time I would never have started smoking in the first place. I tell teenagers, "The easiest way to quit, is to never start."
I'm not saying that bad habits can't be broken. I am saying that without God's help it is very difficult. Why do you think the twelve step programs are based on a power greater than we are? Left relying on our own power we are failures, to weak to succeed.
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Abstinence has to come from within. It is an inside job that comes from God's Spirit. If you face a battle of self will, and the lack of self control, turn it over to God. He wants to and will deliver you.
When I finally quit smoking for the very last time I was told to give myself permission to feel the feelings. Many times I tried to quit but I could not stand myself. I was moody and nasty and people couldn't stand to be around me.
I would convince myself that smoking was the easier softer way and I would be back to smoking again in days. I think the longest I went without a cigarette was 9 days. And then one day I knew it was time so I called nicotine anonymous and they walked me through the first two months.
They told me it was all right to have mood swings and if the people in my life loved me they would tolerate me through them. Well, with great endurance they did, and I quit. I haven't had a cigarette since and I don't want one.
Changes are hard. I don't like change. I like my world to go the same way every day. I have my comfort zone and I don't want any interference. But sometimes God has different plans. He can see into the future and he knows what's best for me. So I pray and ask Him to help me face the changes with confidence and courage.
I run on a schedule. I plan my life accordingly. I am not spontaneous. It doesn't matter what my schedule is as long as it is planned. This drives my family crazy. But I tell them, just give me at least a days notice and I will schedule it in. What is so difficult about that?
I remember when I quit smoking. I did not know what to do with myself. It seemed I always had a cigarette in my hand and now I didn't. It took me months to get over that habit. I think the change in my schedule was harder than the nicotine withdrawal.
Giving up alcohol was another big change. A friend told me to picture myself standing on the edge of a cliff with nowhere to go. My only option available was to wait on God. So I waited. And God provided comfort and solutions for every dilemma I faced.
I often wonder how people go through change and difficult times in life without God. I absolutely think I'd fall apart if God were not by my side. The circumstances would be completely unbearable. But God gives me peace and removes the fear. And He tells me everything is going to be all right.
One of the hardest changes I have gone through has been the loss of my father. Nothing could have prepared me for that change. Everything in my life changed when my father passed away. But, by the grace of God I have survived. Life is different. But I have adjusted. And the good thing is, I always do.
Using cigarette smoking as an example, I remember swearing I would take those cigarettes with me to the grave. I loved smoking and I was never going to quit. But having been a non smoker now for quite a few years I thank God everyday for taking the desire away from me. We kick and scream to avoid change even when it turns out to be the best thing that ever could have happened to us.
Some addictions are mental and some are physical, but regardless, the withdrawal symptoms are tremendous. I have quit smoking many times. After a couple of days clean I always start smoking again.
I am miserable without my Nicotine. I instigate fights. I argue. I cry. I can't function. All because my body is crying out for the substance it craves. If I could go back in time I would never have started smoking in the first place. I tell teenagers, "The easiest way to quit, is to never start."
I'm not saying that bad habits can't be broken. I am saying that without God's help it is very difficult. Why do you think the twelve step programs are based on a power greater than we are? Left relying on our own power we are failures, to weak to succeed.
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Abstinence has to come from within. It is an inside job that comes from God's Spirit. If you face a battle of self will, and the lack of self control, turn it over to God. He wants to and will deliver you.
When I finally quit smoking for the very last time I was told to give myself permission to feel the feelings. Many times I tried to quit but I could not stand myself. I was moody and nasty and people couldn't stand to be around me.
I would convince myself that smoking was the easier softer way and I would be back to smoking again in days. I think the longest I went without a cigarette was 9 days. And then one day I knew it was time so I called nicotine anonymous and they walked me through the first two months.
They told me it was all right to have mood swings and if the people in my life loved me they would tolerate me through them. Well, with great endurance they did, and I quit. I haven't had a cigarette since and I don't want one.
Changes are hard. I don't like change. I like my world to go the same way every day. I have my comfort zone and I don't want any interference. But sometimes God has different plans. He can see into the future and he knows what's best for me. So I pray and ask Him to help me face the changes with confidence and courage.
I run on a schedule. I plan my life accordingly. I am not spontaneous. It doesn't matter what my schedule is as long as it is planned. This drives my family crazy. But I tell them, just give me at least a days notice and I will schedule it in. What is so difficult about that?
I remember when I quit smoking. I did not know what to do with myself. It seemed I always had a cigarette in my hand and now I didn't. It took me months to get over that habit. I think the change in my schedule was harder than the nicotine withdrawal.
Giving up alcohol was another big change. A friend told me to picture myself standing on the edge of a cliff with nowhere to go. My only option available was to wait on God. So I waited. And God provided comfort and solutions for every dilemma I faced.
I often wonder how people go through change and difficult times in life without God. I absolutely think I'd fall apart if God were not by my side. The circumstances would be completely unbearable. But God gives me peace and removes the fear. And He tells me everything is going to be all right.
One of the hardest changes I have gone through has been the loss of my father. Nothing could have prepared me for that change. Everything in my life changed when my father passed away. But, by the grace of God I have survived. Life is different. But I have adjusted. And the good thing is, I always do.
Using cigarette smoking as an example, I remember swearing I would take those cigarettes with me to the grave. I loved smoking and I was never going to quit. But having been a non smoker now for quite a few years I thank God everyday for taking the desire away from me. We kick and scream to avoid change even when it turns out to be the best thing that ever could have happened to us.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Women over 40
The Modern Woman has a world full of opportunities available to her. No longer is 40 over the hill; 40 is just the beginning. No longer is college reserved for the young, or a new career out of the question. New doors are opening everyday for women of all ages and the opportunities are endless.
A message to the Women of today:Don’t let anyone or anything hinder you from realizing your potential. Dream big and then go out and make that dream happen. Don’t let a poor self image keep you from obtaining your goals. Change the way you think about yourself. Fight for your life; you are worth it. And be patient with yourself. Sometimes change takes time; one day at a time. Take each day and conquer a particular goal; take one step each day towards the desire of your heart, and if you continue going forward, never giving up, eventually you will arrive; and the dream will become your reality.
A message to the Women of today:Don’t let anyone or anything hinder you from realizing your potential. Dream big and then go out and make that dream happen. Don’t let a poor self image keep you from obtaining your goals. Change the way you think about yourself. Fight for your life; you are worth it. And be patient with yourself. Sometimes change takes time; one day at a time. Take each day and conquer a particular goal; take one step each day towards the desire of your heart, and if you continue going forward, never giving up, eventually you will arrive; and the dream will become your reality.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones and Words Hurt Too!
Emotional pain is hard to get rid of especially when you are emotionally weak. I have been called names that I wouldn't repeat to my worst enemy. I have been criticized and put down. I have been slandered and ridiculed.
I discovered that if I could transfer the emotional pain I was feeling to my body then my heart wouldn't hurt so bad. So I began hurting myself. I scratched my arms with my fingernails; I beat my head with my fists. I have even experienced such moments of insanity when I tore up my face like a desperate animal.
Self abuse is a lot like alcohol. They both numbed the pain. When my body was hurting, I couldn't feel the pain in my heart as intensely. The focus of my pain switched from one I could not control, to one I was responsible for. I was in control of self inflicted pain.
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I have since learned that nobody has the right to hurt me with words. I realize people can be hurtful. But more often than not it is because they are hurting also. It is not always about me. Sometimes it is about them and If I practice compassion I would be less offended.
God has given me an imaginary shield. It blocks the fiery darts of attack and the words don't penetrate my heart like they used to. I feel sorry for people who hurt others with their words. Only a monster could spit out such slander with no regret.
The Bible tells us; "Out of the abundance of the heart, a man speaks." If our hearts are not right, then our words will not be right either.
Be careful what you say. God spoke the world into existence. We give more power to the devil by the words of our mouths than in any other way. Let the words of your mouth be holy and acceptable, pleasing unto God. Quit speaking death and destruction over your circumstances and others. Start speaking life.
For example; let us say you get sober and you are very happy about it but you share with your friend how you don't think you will be able to stay sober long. That is speaking destruction over your life. If that is the way you truly feel than you might as well drink again. Learn to think positive and before long you'll be speaking it too.
The way I see it God made us all exactly how he wanted us to be. He molded us together into unique individuals from the time we were conceived. When we criticize one of God's children we are telling God we don't approve of his handiwork. But I didn't always understand this concept.
My sister was born with a long, ski slope nose. Looking back, it was actually cute and suited her. But she endured years of teasing and name calling. Children called her Pinnochio and asked if they could go skiing on her nose.
By the time she graduated from high school she had no self esteem, a weight problem and no idea how beautiful she really was. She quickly got a nose job to change the one thing she believed had gotten in the way of her happiness.
But people are mean. I was mean. I told my sister that her new nose didn't look right on her face. I told her it was better long than wrong. Luckily my sister didn't really care what I thought. She was quite happy with her new appearance and had become a wonderful person living a really neat life.
I have learned that people who have low self esteem put other people down. I suppose maybe that is why I felt the need to criticize my sister. Confidence in my self was never a strong point. In fact, I thought very little of myself for a very long time.
Examine yourself before you put others under a magnifying glass. Chances are, it is you with the problem.
Hiding behind a beer or a cigarette gave me false power. They were my security blanket for a poor self image. I remember drinking beer and smoking cigarettes and feeling stronger and more powerful than anyone. But it was only a front.
Deep inside I was weak and timid and deathly afraid of everyone. Today I still feel timid at times but I refuse to find liquid courage in a bottle. I am who I am and I have learned to be happy with that.
I discovered that if I could transfer the emotional pain I was feeling to my body then my heart wouldn't hurt so bad. So I began hurting myself. I scratched my arms with my fingernails; I beat my head with my fists. I have even experienced such moments of insanity when I tore up my face like a desperate animal.
Self abuse is a lot like alcohol. They both numbed the pain. When my body was hurting, I couldn't feel the pain in my heart as intensely. The focus of my pain switched from one I could not control, to one I was responsible for. I was in control of self inflicted pain.
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I have since learned that nobody has the right to hurt me with words. I realize people can be hurtful. But more often than not it is because they are hurting also. It is not always about me. Sometimes it is about them and If I practice compassion I would be less offended.
God has given me an imaginary shield. It blocks the fiery darts of attack and the words don't penetrate my heart like they used to. I feel sorry for people who hurt others with their words. Only a monster could spit out such slander with no regret.
The Bible tells us; "Out of the abundance of the heart, a man speaks." If our hearts are not right, then our words will not be right either.
Be careful what you say. God spoke the world into existence. We give more power to the devil by the words of our mouths than in any other way. Let the words of your mouth be holy and acceptable, pleasing unto God. Quit speaking death and destruction over your circumstances and others. Start speaking life.
For example; let us say you get sober and you are very happy about it but you share with your friend how you don't think you will be able to stay sober long. That is speaking destruction over your life. If that is the way you truly feel than you might as well drink again. Learn to think positive and before long you'll be speaking it too.
The way I see it God made us all exactly how he wanted us to be. He molded us together into unique individuals from the time we were conceived. When we criticize one of God's children we are telling God we don't approve of his handiwork. But I didn't always understand this concept.
My sister was born with a long, ski slope nose. Looking back, it was actually cute and suited her. But she endured years of teasing and name calling. Children called her Pinnochio and asked if they could go skiing on her nose.
By the time she graduated from high school she had no self esteem, a weight problem and no idea how beautiful she really was. She quickly got a nose job to change the one thing she believed had gotten in the way of her happiness.
But people are mean. I was mean. I told my sister that her new nose didn't look right on her face. I told her it was better long than wrong. Luckily my sister didn't really care what I thought. She was quite happy with her new appearance and had become a wonderful person living a really neat life.
I have learned that people who have low self esteem put other people down. I suppose maybe that is why I felt the need to criticize my sister. Confidence in my self was never a strong point. In fact, I thought very little of myself for a very long time.
Examine yourself before you put others under a magnifying glass. Chances are, it is you with the problem.
Hiding behind a beer or a cigarette gave me false power. They were my security blanket for a poor self image. I remember drinking beer and smoking cigarettes and feeling stronger and more powerful than anyone. But it was only a front.
Deep inside I was weak and timid and deathly afraid of everyone. Today I still feel timid at times but I refuse to find liquid courage in a bottle. I am who I am and I have learned to be happy with that.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Alcohol Addiction
I was a slave to alcohol. Alcohol ran my life. It told me what I would do, and when I would do it. It told me how I would treat my husband and my kids. It was my master. I was its slave.
I tried desperately on a few occasions to run away from the alcohol, but it always found me. I would break the bottles of vodka and pour the cans of beer down the drain, but it would always show up again.
I lost my control over alcohol and my power of choice. I could no longer choose when I would drink and how much I would consume once I got started. Alcohol had a hold on me, a very tight hold.
If I could go to the grocery store and get out without buying alcohol, it was a miracle. I would walk in the door and begin the conversation with myself; "I can buy just one beer." "No! You don't need a beer." "Only one. One won't hurt." "No! You won't have just one, and you know it."
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The conversation went on until I left the store. Some days I would win. Other days, the alcohol was victorious. This was a daily battle. Until one day, God had mercy on me and removed the obsession to drink. Alcohol lost its control over me and the victory was mine. Today, I am a slave set free. I still have a master. His name is Jesus.
For the longest time after I got sober there were certain stores I could not go into. Stores where I frequently purchased alcohol became slippery places for me to go. Stores where I battled against the desire to drink carried far to many bad memories. It was best just to stay out of those places.
Today I don't have that problem. I can go anywhere and not be tempted. But it took awhile. In the beggining of your sobriety do yourself a favor and listen to yourself. You will know what to do.
Since I got sober it is extremely difficult for me to watch a loved one struggle with an addiction. Knowing what I went through and how hard it was for me to quit makes it that much harder for me to watch.
I know what it is like to be driven by addictive forces. I know how it feels to want to quit and then barely make it through the evening before giving in again. The same struggle goes on with food, drugs, pornography and pills. Any addiction has a driving force behind it. That is what makes it an addiction.
I am a people fixer. I want my loved ones set free...now! And yet I know there is nothing I can do about it. So I pray. I know God brings healing and deliverance. But I know is not always as easy as it seems. Getting sober can be hard. God wants to see those demons conquered. He wants my loved ones victorious over drugs and alcohol. But where do they begin?
The first step is willingness. If they are willing God will help them. If I treat my loved ones with kindness, compassion and prayer, I am doing the best I can. The rest has to be up to them.
What I want is to take them to a rehab or get them involved in a recovery program. I want them to experience the sanity I found in recovery with God. I want them set free to enjoy life or to be reasonably capable of making changes if they need to.
God, see their need. Hold them tight and let them know that you are with them ready and willing to help. And then God, please help me to step back and get out of your way.
God never gives up on you. God says He will love you and help you no matter what. So when you think you have failed one to many times for God to help you, think again. I must have tried 50+ times to quit drinking. God was there to help me with each failed attempt. He never gave up on me and He will never give up on you.
I tried desperately on a few occasions to run away from the alcohol, but it always found me. I would break the bottles of vodka and pour the cans of beer down the drain, but it would always show up again.
I lost my control over alcohol and my power of choice. I could no longer choose when I would drink and how much I would consume once I got started. Alcohol had a hold on me, a very tight hold.
If I could go to the grocery store and get out without buying alcohol, it was a miracle. I would walk in the door and begin the conversation with myself; "I can buy just one beer." "No! You don't need a beer." "Only one. One won't hurt." "No! You won't have just one, and you know it."
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The conversation went on until I left the store. Some days I would win. Other days, the alcohol was victorious. This was a daily battle. Until one day, God had mercy on me and removed the obsession to drink. Alcohol lost its control over me and the victory was mine. Today, I am a slave set free. I still have a master. His name is Jesus.
For the longest time after I got sober there were certain stores I could not go into. Stores where I frequently purchased alcohol became slippery places for me to go. Stores where I battled against the desire to drink carried far to many bad memories. It was best just to stay out of those places.
Today I don't have that problem. I can go anywhere and not be tempted. But it took awhile. In the beggining of your sobriety do yourself a favor and listen to yourself. You will know what to do.
Since I got sober it is extremely difficult for me to watch a loved one struggle with an addiction. Knowing what I went through and how hard it was for me to quit makes it that much harder for me to watch.
I know what it is like to be driven by addictive forces. I know how it feels to want to quit and then barely make it through the evening before giving in again. The same struggle goes on with food, drugs, pornography and pills. Any addiction has a driving force behind it. That is what makes it an addiction.
I am a people fixer. I want my loved ones set free...now! And yet I know there is nothing I can do about it. So I pray. I know God brings healing and deliverance. But I know is not always as easy as it seems. Getting sober can be hard. God wants to see those demons conquered. He wants my loved ones victorious over drugs and alcohol. But where do they begin?
The first step is willingness. If they are willing God will help them. If I treat my loved ones with kindness, compassion and prayer, I am doing the best I can. The rest has to be up to them.
What I want is to take them to a rehab or get them involved in a recovery program. I want them to experience the sanity I found in recovery with God. I want them set free to enjoy life or to be reasonably capable of making changes if they need to.
God, see their need. Hold them tight and let them know that you are with them ready and willing to help. And then God, please help me to step back and get out of your way.
God never gives up on you. God says He will love you and help you no matter what. So when you think you have failed one to many times for God to help you, think again. I must have tried 50+ times to quit drinking. God was there to help me with each failed attempt. He never gave up on me and He will never give up on you.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Alcohol: When Enough is Enough
God knew what I needed before I was ever created. Although He had better ideas of what he wanted for me, He knew I would fall and need His help. So He inspired the men of old to prepare a book called the Bible, showing me the provision of God, and His ability to deliver me from all my troubles.
Unfortunately I chose a different path. One in which I thought I'd have more fun. I allowed the lies and deceptions of the enemy and the world to crowd out what was right. And I suffered the consequences of my mistakes.
Going to parties and getting drunk was common for me. In high school I developed the nickname sleazy. Not because I was being taken advantage of, but because passing out all over people's houses and hanging on guys I didn't know set up a rather poor picture of me. The image they saw of me was exactly what I portrayed, a sleaze. I had to learn to accept that, or make changes.
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When I decided to quit going to parties, everyone was disappointed. They didn't have anybody to talk about anymore. As much as I enjoyed drinking, I was tired of getting drunk and being labeled. I wasn't what they said of me and it disturbed me that they would all stoop so low. Didn't they know, they to were at the same parties? What did that say about them?
Today it doesn't matter because today I don't drink. Sobriety means I never have to do anything that I wouldn't normally do. Those drunken behaviors are no longer who I am. If you want to put a label on me today; how about a recovered alcoholic, a blessed and loved child of God, and a victorious over comer.
God doesn't ask us to do something unless He feels we are capable of doing it. He isn't a mean spirited dictator. He is a loving God who cares about you more than you will ever know. It wasn't that God didn't want me having any fun, He just didn't want me to be the object of other people's ridicule and scorn. He thought higher of me than that.
And it wasn't that He wanted me bored and lonely. He just had better plans and people for me. So after I gave up the parties and the labels I discovered God was telling the truth. It has been nothing short of remarkable.
After my second divorce I invited a friend of mine to move into my apartment with me. She was married to a drug addict and grew increasingly tired of the craziness he brought into her life. She was a recovering alcoholic who had discovered Jesus. She was trying to make positive changes and his drug use was hindering her growth.
On her birthday I really wanted to make her feel special so I took her to my favorite dance club. Since the two of us had alcohol related problems, I don't quite know what I was thinking. Didn't I have a favorite restaurant? What was wrong with a nice dinner?
Within 15 minutes of walking into that night club I was passed out on the back couch and her birthday was ruined. It only took me three drinks to fall into a blackout, and into an evening I will never remember.
My friend asked some guys to drive us home in my car because she couldn't drive and I wasn't able to. So two men we didn't know drove us home to my house, came in and hung out for quite awhile. I don't remember any of it.
My intention was to celebrate my friend's birthday. But the alcohol turned the night into a celebration of immorality and shame. Alcohol ruins our best intentions. Alcohol perverts everything good. Alcohol is the enemy and is best left alone.
I wonder if God was pounding me on the shoulder that night trying to get my attention before I made my plans. He knew the outcome of the evening before it ever happened so I am sure if I was listening I might have heard Him telling me to do something else.
But I was so excited about going drinking and dancing if God was speaking to me, I wasn't listening. In fact, I probably had that speaker dial turned all the way down. I wanted no interference. You see it's not God's fault when we end up in bad situations. It is ours because we don't heed His warning.
God tells us things but we don't hear because we are to busy doing everything our way. I am not completely sad that the night ended the way it did. I don't think I ever went back to that night club. So if the outcome was good, I won't completely discount the night. But wouldn't it have been better to just not have gone again in the first place? And the saga continues.
It's hard for an alcoholic to admit when enough is enough. We know, we just don't want to admit it.
Unfortunately I chose a different path. One in which I thought I'd have more fun. I allowed the lies and deceptions of the enemy and the world to crowd out what was right. And I suffered the consequences of my mistakes.
Going to parties and getting drunk was common for me. In high school I developed the nickname sleazy. Not because I was being taken advantage of, but because passing out all over people's houses and hanging on guys I didn't know set up a rather poor picture of me. The image they saw of me was exactly what I portrayed, a sleaze. I had to learn to accept that, or make changes.
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When I decided to quit going to parties, everyone was disappointed. They didn't have anybody to talk about anymore. As much as I enjoyed drinking, I was tired of getting drunk and being labeled. I wasn't what they said of me and it disturbed me that they would all stoop so low. Didn't they know, they to were at the same parties? What did that say about them?
Today it doesn't matter because today I don't drink. Sobriety means I never have to do anything that I wouldn't normally do. Those drunken behaviors are no longer who I am. If you want to put a label on me today; how about a recovered alcoholic, a blessed and loved child of God, and a victorious over comer.
God doesn't ask us to do something unless He feels we are capable of doing it. He isn't a mean spirited dictator. He is a loving God who cares about you more than you will ever know. It wasn't that God didn't want me having any fun, He just didn't want me to be the object of other people's ridicule and scorn. He thought higher of me than that.
And it wasn't that He wanted me bored and lonely. He just had better plans and people for me. So after I gave up the parties and the labels I discovered God was telling the truth. It has been nothing short of remarkable.
After my second divorce I invited a friend of mine to move into my apartment with me. She was married to a drug addict and grew increasingly tired of the craziness he brought into her life. She was a recovering alcoholic who had discovered Jesus. She was trying to make positive changes and his drug use was hindering her growth.
On her birthday I really wanted to make her feel special so I took her to my favorite dance club. Since the two of us had alcohol related problems, I don't quite know what I was thinking. Didn't I have a favorite restaurant? What was wrong with a nice dinner?
Within 15 minutes of walking into that night club I was passed out on the back couch and her birthday was ruined. It only took me three drinks to fall into a blackout, and into an evening I will never remember.
My friend asked some guys to drive us home in my car because she couldn't drive and I wasn't able to. So two men we didn't know drove us home to my house, came in and hung out for quite awhile. I don't remember any of it.
My intention was to celebrate my friend's birthday. But the alcohol turned the night into a celebration of immorality and shame. Alcohol ruins our best intentions. Alcohol perverts everything good. Alcohol is the enemy and is best left alone.
I wonder if God was pounding me on the shoulder that night trying to get my attention before I made my plans. He knew the outcome of the evening before it ever happened so I am sure if I was listening I might have heard Him telling me to do something else.
But I was so excited about going drinking and dancing if God was speaking to me, I wasn't listening. In fact, I probably had that speaker dial turned all the way down. I wanted no interference. You see it's not God's fault when we end up in bad situations. It is ours because we don't heed His warning.
God tells us things but we don't hear because we are to busy doing everything our way. I am not completely sad that the night ended the way it did. I don't think I ever went back to that night club. So if the outcome was good, I won't completely discount the night. But wouldn't it have been better to just not have gone again in the first place? And the saga continues.
It's hard for an alcoholic to admit when enough is enough. We know, we just don't want to admit it.
Car Reviews: BMW 3 Series
Made for quality, safety, comfort and class, the BMW 3 Series takes first place among all competition. With four and five out of five stars in performance, safety, reliability, and looks, should you be driving anything else?
0 to 60 in 6.3 seconds with a manual transmission puts the BMW 3 Series at the top of its game. Buyers willing to pay a little more, seats them in the finest luxury midsize car on the road. Compared to the Infiniti G37, BMW 3 series excels. BMW's most prestigious work of art is available as a coupe, sedan or hardtop convertible.
328i and 328 xi models with 200 pound-feet of torque and a 3.0-liter inline-six cylinder engine puts out 230 horsepower. With an automatic transmission along with a six-cylinder engine and the new lightweight magnesium/aluminum composite alloy engine block, the BMW 3 Series gets 19 mpg city and 28 mpg highway. Better yet, the 335i and 335xi models, with 300 horsepower, 300 pound-feet of torque go from 0 to 60 in 5.4 seconds trailing behind the Ferrari F430 by only two-tenths. MPG for city is 17 and 26 mpg for highway.
Both models come with four-wheel ventilated anti-lock disc brakes with Dynamic Brake Control. A new feature of BMW is the automatic drying of the brakes in wet weather, wet brake rotors don't stop as quick. Another great feature; when a foot is removed from the gas pedal the car automatically positions the discs a little closer to the pads preparing to stop.
Trunk space was increased by providing run-flat tires on the BMW 3 Series with no spare tire. Although most reviewers were satisfied with the standard suspension, sport tuned suspension is built in to the Coupe and Convertible editions. The upgraded suspension is optional for the Sedan.
Interior standard features include dual-zone automatic climate control, real walnut wood trim and standard leatherette. Premium package options include leather upholstery, auto dimming mirrors, Bluetooth connectivity, and eight way power seats with two driver memory settings.
Safety is rated high for BMW 3 Series models. Performing well in government crash tests this car has been deemed extremely safe. Using high strength steel, automatic seatbelt pretension, air bags inflated at three different speeds, and automatic locking retractors protect passengers in the event of a crash.
For those impatient BMW lovers get in line for 2009. Just when you thought all was invented, with a revised front and rear bumper, more sculpted hood and changed headlights, the BMW 3 Series comes out with enhanced performance and an entirely new sportier look.
0 to 60 in 6.3 seconds with a manual transmission puts the BMW 3 Series at the top of its game. Buyers willing to pay a little more, seats them in the finest luxury midsize car on the road. Compared to the Infiniti G37, BMW 3 series excels. BMW's most prestigious work of art is available as a coupe, sedan or hardtop convertible.
328i and 328 xi models with 200 pound-feet of torque and a 3.0-liter inline-six cylinder engine puts out 230 horsepower. With an automatic transmission along with a six-cylinder engine and the new lightweight magnesium/aluminum composite alloy engine block, the BMW 3 Series gets 19 mpg city and 28 mpg highway. Better yet, the 335i and 335xi models, with 300 horsepower, 300 pound-feet of torque go from 0 to 60 in 5.4 seconds trailing behind the Ferrari F430 by only two-tenths. MPG for city is 17 and 26 mpg for highway.
Both models come with four-wheel ventilated anti-lock disc brakes with Dynamic Brake Control. A new feature of BMW is the automatic drying of the brakes in wet weather, wet brake rotors don't stop as quick. Another great feature; when a foot is removed from the gas pedal the car automatically positions the discs a little closer to the pads preparing to stop.
Trunk space was increased by providing run-flat tires on the BMW 3 Series with no spare tire. Although most reviewers were satisfied with the standard suspension, sport tuned suspension is built in to the Coupe and Convertible editions. The upgraded suspension is optional for the Sedan.
Interior standard features include dual-zone automatic climate control, real walnut wood trim and standard leatherette. Premium package options include leather upholstery, auto dimming mirrors, Bluetooth connectivity, and eight way power seats with two driver memory settings.
Safety is rated high for BMW 3 Series models. Performing well in government crash tests this car has been deemed extremely safe. Using high strength steel, automatic seatbelt pretension, air bags inflated at three different speeds, and automatic locking retractors protect passengers in the event of a crash.
For those impatient BMW lovers get in line for 2009. Just when you thought all was invented, with a revised front and rear bumper, more sculpted hood and changed headlights, the BMW 3 Series comes out with enhanced performance and an entirely new sportier look.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Romeo Club: Retired Old Men Eating Out
On any given Friday morning at the Millie’s restaurant in Simi Valley you will find anywhere from eight to fifteen retired older men sitting around a table together having breakfast. The Romeo club is a club for older gentlemen who are retired. The name Romeo stands for ‘Retired Old Men Eating Out.’ The club offers retired gentlemen a place to gather or hang out once a week. The club is for men of similar age and similar circumstances yet sometimes very different interests.
A common complaint of men after retirement is the loss of socialization or other men to talk to. Men who retire are not used to hanging around the house talking to their wives. Although they admit spending time with their wives is not a bad way to spend their time, by retirement age their wives are already set in their ways and don’t have the time to sit around talking about sports and politics. Most men find this lifestyle of solitude to be anything but desirable so the Romeo club offers these men a safe place to go where good conversation, good food and good camaraderie unite them together.
Eighty year old Huey Long, a crossing guard for the Simi Valley school district states, “We all get together and solve all the problems of the world in one hour.” Due to the diversity of professions within the group Huey finds the subject matter of the conversations not only new and interesting but enlightening as well. He states, “About six of our members are retired school teachers. Each one is quite knowledgeable in his own field of study. I find it very interesting to listen to them speak of the subjects they know so well. It is a time of learning for me.”
Ed Aposhian says his time spent with the Romeo club fills a void he never knew existed. Having very few close friends Ed finds access to a new group of friends quite rewarding. His interest in people and the different viewpoints of others keeps him going back. He states, “I like the freedom I have in expressing my views and although they might not always be accepted by everyone they are never put down or criticized.”
The Romeo club is a relationship building opportunity. The spin off of a breakfast meeting offers not only a place for retired men to meet but an opportunity for friendships to develop. Some members put aside other times during the week for coffee or a matinee. With so much time on their hands, extracurricular events are extremely important. One group of men went to an air show. Another small group took a week long road trip up north; the skies the limit. This club offers valuable and necessary time for men to gather and talk about men things.
For those men who aren’t quite retirement age, the Romeo club offers ‘Retired Men In Training.’ Bottom line, all are welcome. Most of the men who participate in the Romeo club are well past the age of 70 but with some men in their 60’s and others in their 80’s there’s a little bit of something for everyone. And if you are ever in the neighborhood on a Friday morning stop in and say hello. Knowing this group of men they’ll probably invite you to sit down and have breakfast with them. You’ll be glad you did.
A common complaint of men after retirement is the loss of socialization or other men to talk to. Men who retire are not used to hanging around the house talking to their wives. Although they admit spending time with their wives is not a bad way to spend their time, by retirement age their wives are already set in their ways and don’t have the time to sit around talking about sports and politics. Most men find this lifestyle of solitude to be anything but desirable so the Romeo club offers these men a safe place to go where good conversation, good food and good camaraderie unite them together.
Eighty year old Huey Long, a crossing guard for the Simi Valley school district states, “We all get together and solve all the problems of the world in one hour.” Due to the diversity of professions within the group Huey finds the subject matter of the conversations not only new and interesting but enlightening as well. He states, “About six of our members are retired school teachers. Each one is quite knowledgeable in his own field of study. I find it very interesting to listen to them speak of the subjects they know so well. It is a time of learning for me.”
Ed Aposhian says his time spent with the Romeo club fills a void he never knew existed. Having very few close friends Ed finds access to a new group of friends quite rewarding. His interest in people and the different viewpoints of others keeps him going back. He states, “I like the freedom I have in expressing my views and although they might not always be accepted by everyone they are never put down or criticized.”
The Romeo club is a relationship building opportunity. The spin off of a breakfast meeting offers not only a place for retired men to meet but an opportunity for friendships to develop. Some members put aside other times during the week for coffee or a matinee. With so much time on their hands, extracurricular events are extremely important. One group of men went to an air show. Another small group took a week long road trip up north; the skies the limit. This club offers valuable and necessary time for men to gather and talk about men things.
For those men who aren’t quite retirement age, the Romeo club offers ‘Retired Men In Training.’ Bottom line, all are welcome. Most of the men who participate in the Romeo club are well past the age of 70 but with some men in their 60’s and others in their 80’s there’s a little bit of something for everyone. And if you are ever in the neighborhood on a Friday morning stop in and say hello. Knowing this group of men they’ll probably invite you to sit down and have breakfast with them. You’ll be glad you did.
College Campus Revelation
Nothing happens by chance; not in God’s world. I enrolled in college after twenty five years. I heard that dental hygienists made an outrageous amount of money so I signed up for classes at my local college and off I went to embark on a new journey. For four years I sold on eBay tucked back in the corner of my den. Now it was time to mingle with the real world. Everything was progressing in the right direction. School proved to be a lot more enjoyable than I remembered. I was getting A’s in all my classes and I found myself looking forward to the education. But something happened when I entered my chemistry class. The subject was too difficult and after the first month I dropped out. I had no idea what I was going to do. Dental Hygiene required chemistry classes. Anatomy, physiology, and microbiology were also on that list so I had to change my plans and quickly. I found a psychology class with a late start date so I added that class to my schedule and turned myself around. I hadn’t any idea as to what I would do with a psychology degree but at least the subject interested me. It’s amazing how God works. I didn’t start out with a great desire to know about people but as soon as I started learning about the human mind my fascination of the subject grew to an astounding level. Forty three years old and I finally found my niche. It was during this time that I began having more pronounced problems with my eldest son. He drank a lot and was constantly getting into trouble. I had fought the battle of alcohol myself and won so I always held out hope for my son’s deliverance but lately he seemed a lot more suicidal and my heart ached constantly for him. I had a psychology class starting in a few days. I received the textbook early so I thought I’d get a head start on the reading. The class was on human learning and the chapter in the textbook began by describing a member of the author’s family who had a broken brain. The more I read the more of my son’s behavior I saw in her loved one. She was describing bipolar disorder. All of a sudden everything fell in place and began making sense. My son had a disease. There was a name for what was wrong with him and that meant there was also a solution. I thank God everyday that chemistry was too difficult. If I had understood it I might not have learned what is wrong with my son.
Reflections: Tales of a smoker.
While I was celebrating my sixth year without a cigarette I found myself thinking about the time many years ago when I experienced my first puff. I was thirteen in eighth grade. I remember sneaking up on the family ashtray when no one was home and taking the longest cigarette butts in the tray because they allowed me more puffs than the short ones. Of course most of them were too short to smoke but occasionally I would find a long one. I remember taking those crumpled cigarette leftovers and straightening them out as best I could. My fingers would be all black from the ash and the butt would taste like the ashtray itself but that never stopped me. I was a determined teenager. Adults were smoking these nasty things so why shouldn’t I. I am still confused at what the real attraction was. I would light the end of that horribly disgusting cigarette and as soon as I took a puff I would become violently ill. But that never stopped me. I always went back for more. I would sneak around the corner of the house in the backyard where no one could see me and I’d smoke those crumpled up cigarette butts until I was sick.
My friend Winette was a little braver than myself. She would steal whole cigarettes from her mother’s purse. She would say, “Come on Lacy, I have some cigarettes,” and off we’d go to the local elementary school. Climbing up on the classroom roof we’d light those cigarettes. Boy did we feel cool. I hate to admit I had fallen into the trap of appearances but I wanted every other kid in the neighborhood to see me sitting up on that school roof puffing away. I can’t say I was ever afraid of being seen by an adult. I guess my fear of getting caught hadn’t developed yet. Eighth graders aren’t known as the sharpest tools in the shed.
I never actually inhaled the smoke. Doing so caused me extreme nausea and dizziness but I could take into my mouth lots of smoke and blow beautifully formed smoke rings. It all seemed so innocent and fun but such a lot of work. Stealing cigarettes didn’t last long. We never got caught, we just became bored.
I didn’t smoke another cigarette until my freshman year at college. My good friend from high school, Moxie, enrolled in San Diego State University with me. We got an apartment together and became roommates. Moxie liked to sit and smoke cigarettes while she watched soap operas in the afternoon. It seemed harmless enough so I would join her. I only allowed myself two cigarettes each afternoon. But before long I was craving them in the morning before school and finding myself smoking them at night before bed. I didn’t understand the power of addiction and before I realized it I was smoking on a regular basis, something I had promised myself I would never do. And that was it. I was an official cigarette smoker and would be for the next twenty years.
I became a professional at quitting smoking. I knew every trick in the book to give up those nasty cancer sticks but my longest attempt lasted only about nine days. I always started out with the best intentions. I would crumple up my pack of cigarettes and drown them under water. I did that at least once a week. But more times than not, within a few hours, I would dig those broken and wet cigarettes out of the trash and dry them in the oven. I alternated from quitting smoking and swearing I would take those cigarettes with me to the grave. Quitting was so difficult, after each failed attempt, I would vow to never quit smoking again. But smoking in today’s day and age isn’t the same as it was back in the 1940’s when everyone smoked. The kids were being taught in school that I was going to die because I smoked. That created a whole lot of unnecessary quilt within me and fear within them. I tried to explain, “Yes the cigarettes might eventually kill me someday, but not today.” My kids didn’t understand matters of death and dying. I actually thought it was cruel to tell my kids that their smoking mother wasn’t going to live very long. I felt that was deceptive and manipulating. And it only made it harder for me to enjoy my cigarettes.
The day I actually quit smoking wasn’t much different than any other day. I had been to a meeting the night before and a friend inquired, “Do you enjoy your cigarettes?” I replied, “I usually do, not always, but I will never quit smoking because it is too hard.” He shared with me that he had quit and it was the greatest decision he ever made. He talked about having more time in his day and having more air. He said it felt amazing walking up a flight of stairs without running out of breath. He mentioned the freedom he had in the morning to take quiet walks and spend time with God. My mornings consisted of four or five cigarettes and a pot of coffee. I listened to him for awhile and I appreciated what he said. Instead of telling me all the dreadful consequences of cigarette smoking he shared with me all the good that came from quitting. I liked that approach. I went home and that night I had a dream that I quit smoking. When I woke up the next morning I quit. I vowed, “I will never smoke again.” Of course I had no idea it would be the first day of the next six years without a cigarette but I actually quit that day and haven’t smoked since. When a day would come that went all wrong and everything within me cried out for a cigarette I’d call nicotine anonymous and talk to someone who knew exactly what I was going through. Talking to an ex smoker is the one thing that helped me the most.
I remember calling my mom on the phone every time I’d decide to quit. “Hey, mom, guess what? I haven’t had a cigarette all day.” She was always so proud of me. And then I would get all upset over some irrational nothing and swear the only relief to my problem was a cigarette. Then I’d call my mom again, “Guess what mom? I had a cigarette.” She would say the same thing to me every time, “Never quit quitting. One of these times it will be the last time.” And she was right. Not long ago I ran into my old college roommate and I told her all about that nasty habit she got me started on. She replied she hadn’t had a cigarette since college. “Good for you,” I said. And I meant it.
My friend Winette was a little braver than myself. She would steal whole cigarettes from her mother’s purse. She would say, “Come on Lacy, I have some cigarettes,” and off we’d go to the local elementary school. Climbing up on the classroom roof we’d light those cigarettes. Boy did we feel cool. I hate to admit I had fallen into the trap of appearances but I wanted every other kid in the neighborhood to see me sitting up on that school roof puffing away. I can’t say I was ever afraid of being seen by an adult. I guess my fear of getting caught hadn’t developed yet. Eighth graders aren’t known as the sharpest tools in the shed.
I never actually inhaled the smoke. Doing so caused me extreme nausea and dizziness but I could take into my mouth lots of smoke and blow beautifully formed smoke rings. It all seemed so innocent and fun but such a lot of work. Stealing cigarettes didn’t last long. We never got caught, we just became bored.
I didn’t smoke another cigarette until my freshman year at college. My good friend from high school, Moxie, enrolled in San Diego State University with me. We got an apartment together and became roommates. Moxie liked to sit and smoke cigarettes while she watched soap operas in the afternoon. It seemed harmless enough so I would join her. I only allowed myself two cigarettes each afternoon. But before long I was craving them in the morning before school and finding myself smoking them at night before bed. I didn’t understand the power of addiction and before I realized it I was smoking on a regular basis, something I had promised myself I would never do. And that was it. I was an official cigarette smoker and would be for the next twenty years.
I became a professional at quitting smoking. I knew every trick in the book to give up those nasty cancer sticks but my longest attempt lasted only about nine days. I always started out with the best intentions. I would crumple up my pack of cigarettes and drown them under water. I did that at least once a week. But more times than not, within a few hours, I would dig those broken and wet cigarettes out of the trash and dry them in the oven. I alternated from quitting smoking and swearing I would take those cigarettes with me to the grave. Quitting was so difficult, after each failed attempt, I would vow to never quit smoking again. But smoking in today’s day and age isn’t the same as it was back in the 1940’s when everyone smoked. The kids were being taught in school that I was going to die because I smoked. That created a whole lot of unnecessary quilt within me and fear within them. I tried to explain, “Yes the cigarettes might eventually kill me someday, but not today.” My kids didn’t understand matters of death and dying. I actually thought it was cruel to tell my kids that their smoking mother wasn’t going to live very long. I felt that was deceptive and manipulating. And it only made it harder for me to enjoy my cigarettes.
The day I actually quit smoking wasn’t much different than any other day. I had been to a meeting the night before and a friend inquired, “Do you enjoy your cigarettes?” I replied, “I usually do, not always, but I will never quit smoking because it is too hard.” He shared with me that he had quit and it was the greatest decision he ever made. He talked about having more time in his day and having more air. He said it felt amazing walking up a flight of stairs without running out of breath. He mentioned the freedom he had in the morning to take quiet walks and spend time with God. My mornings consisted of four or five cigarettes and a pot of coffee. I listened to him for awhile and I appreciated what he said. Instead of telling me all the dreadful consequences of cigarette smoking he shared with me all the good that came from quitting. I liked that approach. I went home and that night I had a dream that I quit smoking. When I woke up the next morning I quit. I vowed, “I will never smoke again.” Of course I had no idea it would be the first day of the next six years without a cigarette but I actually quit that day and haven’t smoked since. When a day would come that went all wrong and everything within me cried out for a cigarette I’d call nicotine anonymous and talk to someone who knew exactly what I was going through. Talking to an ex smoker is the one thing that helped me the most.
I remember calling my mom on the phone every time I’d decide to quit. “Hey, mom, guess what? I haven’t had a cigarette all day.” She was always so proud of me. And then I would get all upset over some irrational nothing and swear the only relief to my problem was a cigarette. Then I’d call my mom again, “Guess what mom? I had a cigarette.” She would say the same thing to me every time, “Never quit quitting. One of these times it will be the last time.” And she was right. Not long ago I ran into my old college roommate and I told her all about that nasty habit she got me started on. She replied she hadn’t had a cigarette since college. “Good for you,” I said. And I meant it.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Enjoying Easter With The Family
Easter is a time of celebration; Jesus has risen. What better way to say thanks to God then to spend the day with family and friends. Of course Christmas is the ultimate Jesus rejoicing holiday, But Easter comes in close second and offers a day of worship and relaxation.
Easter begins with Church. Often I can get my family to attend with me. Every year we start early putting out subtle hints; "Remember, Easter begins with Jesus." Sometimes a child shows up, maybe my sister. When my dad was alive the whole family attended. Something happened when dad passed away. Some of our family traditions fell a part, unfortunately one of them was Easter Sunday Church Celebration.
But don't get me wrong, the time spent with family after the service has filled photo albums full of great memories. A day at the park with Kentucky Fried Chicken and potato salad is the yearly ritual. Someone always shows up early to reserve a spot. The park fills up fast. Blankets, water coolers, lawn chairs and food cover large sections of the park grounds. Families from all over gather to enjoy this wonderful day set aside to celebrate each other. Even though the day belongs to God, I'm pretty certain he wouldn't have it any other way.
Of course there's always the easter egg hunt for the kids and an egg toss game played with the eggs decorated the night before. Baskets of candy and chocolate layed down by young-ins on the grass lead many tempting adults into indulgence. If only we all came prepared with our own sweets to eat. Of course Wendy always makes a cherry cobbler, but nothing satisfies like a chocolate bunny ear or a malted milk egg. It's just not an easter picnic without a marshmallow bunny.
Even on days when the weather isn't right and the park is uninviting,we all gather together in someones home. The relative with the largest house opens the doors for all to come in. Maybe it's not as comfortable as a blanket on the lawn or as fun as flying a kite through the clouds, but we all make due. As long as the family is together, then all is well.
And when the day is over and we've all gone home, I always thank God not only for loving me, but for giving me the greatest family in the whole wide world.
Easter begins with Church. Often I can get my family to attend with me. Every year we start early putting out subtle hints; "Remember, Easter begins with Jesus." Sometimes a child shows up, maybe my sister. When my dad was alive the whole family attended. Something happened when dad passed away. Some of our family traditions fell a part, unfortunately one of them was Easter Sunday Church Celebration.
But don't get me wrong, the time spent with family after the service has filled photo albums full of great memories. A day at the park with Kentucky Fried Chicken and potato salad is the yearly ritual. Someone always shows up early to reserve a spot. The park fills up fast. Blankets, water coolers, lawn chairs and food cover large sections of the park grounds. Families from all over gather to enjoy this wonderful day set aside to celebrate each other. Even though the day belongs to God, I'm pretty certain he wouldn't have it any other way.
Of course there's always the easter egg hunt for the kids and an egg toss game played with the eggs decorated the night before. Baskets of candy and chocolate layed down by young-ins on the grass lead many tempting adults into indulgence. If only we all came prepared with our own sweets to eat. Of course Wendy always makes a cherry cobbler, but nothing satisfies like a chocolate bunny ear or a malted milk egg. It's just not an easter picnic without a marshmallow bunny.
Even on days when the weather isn't right and the park is uninviting,we all gather together in someones home. The relative with the largest house opens the doors for all to come in. Maybe it's not as comfortable as a blanket on the lawn or as fun as flying a kite through the clouds, but we all make due. As long as the family is together, then all is well.
And when the day is over and we've all gone home, I always thank God not only for loving me, but for giving me the greatest family in the whole wide world.
Addicted to Bulimia
Addicted to Bulimia
I am amazed how addictive some things can be. I have heard it said that some people have an addictive personality. They tend to become addicted to substances and behaviors more easily than others. That was me. I became addicted to bulimia. In fact, I became addicted to almost anything I could get my hands on throughout my life as I would discover throughout my life.
I don't think it ever had anything to do with weight in the beginning. I liked sweets and now I had away of eating all of them I wanted and not having to worry about getting fat. The problem was, I became addicted to eating. I couldn't stop. It seemed all I thought about was food; how much I could get my hands on and into my mouth. And then the next thought was always where the closest bathroom was so I could get rid of it? Try hiding that from your parents for years.
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Bulimia was my quick fix to weight management. I could eat anything I wanted and not gain weight. Bulimia was only a symptom of a bigger problem; eating. Food provided comfort, but food was fattening. I didn't want to get fat so I threw up everything I ate.
I was very active in my teen years. I joined sports events in school and ran for school council. I was involved in drama, public speaking, drill team, piano lessons, etc. My father encouraged his children to get involved, so I did, in almost everything I had time for, and didn't have time for.
I think I was a perfectionist and a people pleaser. I wanted people to like me and I needed to do everything right. I had very high expectations of myself. Although weight wasn't a huge issue in Junior High, once I entered into High school it became very clear how important it was to be thin.
I quickly found out that I could get more out of being thin than being overweight. If I was really thin I could get a lot of compliments and praise. Even people staring at me was a confidence boost and increased my self perception. But as soon as any weight crept onto my small frame I would hear whispers from classmates about how I looked. And being bulimic, the weight was on and off all the time.
Sometimes I would get so sick and tired of throwing up I would just quit eating. And because I was constantly running or playing softball the extra weight would fall off me fast. It was like a constant roller coaster ride. Food had become a very bad habit and my worst enemy. I grew to hate food and hated eating more, but I couldn't seem to stop.
I had lost the power of choice over food and it was controlling and ruining my life. It would be like that for a very long time. Until one day when God smiled down on me. He poured out His love and grace upon me and delivered me from the control of food. I was set free and delivered from obsessive overeating once and for all never to bow down to the stronghold over me again.
Food obsession and bulimia starts in the mind. You must change the way you think if you are ever going to stop the insanity. Try different things like listening to music or watching TV. Think about whatever helps you get your mind off of food, and do whatever you need to do to keep from vomiting up everything you eat. Change your thinking, and your actions will follow. It is a process and doesn't always happen overnight. Just don't give up. Practice makes perfect.
I am amazed how addictive some things can be. I have heard it said that some people have an addictive personality. They tend to become addicted to substances and behaviors more easily than others. That was me. I became addicted to bulimia. In fact, I became addicted to almost anything I could get my hands on throughout my life as I would discover throughout my life.
I don't think it ever had anything to do with weight in the beginning. I liked sweets and now I had away of eating all of them I wanted and not having to worry about getting fat. The problem was, I became addicted to eating. I couldn't stop. It seemed all I thought about was food; how much I could get my hands on and into my mouth. And then the next thought was always where the closest bathroom was so I could get rid of it? Try hiding that from your parents for years.
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Bulimia was my quick fix to weight management. I could eat anything I wanted and not gain weight. Bulimia was only a symptom of a bigger problem; eating. Food provided comfort, but food was fattening. I didn't want to get fat so I threw up everything I ate.
I was very active in my teen years. I joined sports events in school and ran for school council. I was involved in drama, public speaking, drill team, piano lessons, etc. My father encouraged his children to get involved, so I did, in almost everything I had time for, and didn't have time for.
I think I was a perfectionist and a people pleaser. I wanted people to like me and I needed to do everything right. I had very high expectations of myself. Although weight wasn't a huge issue in Junior High, once I entered into High school it became very clear how important it was to be thin.
I quickly found out that I could get more out of being thin than being overweight. If I was really thin I could get a lot of compliments and praise. Even people staring at me was a confidence boost and increased my self perception. But as soon as any weight crept onto my small frame I would hear whispers from classmates about how I looked. And being bulimic, the weight was on and off all the time.
Sometimes I would get so sick and tired of throwing up I would just quit eating. And because I was constantly running or playing softball the extra weight would fall off me fast. It was like a constant roller coaster ride. Food had become a very bad habit and my worst enemy. I grew to hate food and hated eating more, but I couldn't seem to stop.
I had lost the power of choice over food and it was controlling and ruining my life. It would be like that for a very long time. Until one day when God smiled down on me. He poured out His love and grace upon me and delivered me from the control of food. I was set free and delivered from obsessive overeating once and for all never to bow down to the stronghold over me again.
Food obsession and bulimia starts in the mind. You must change the way you think if you are ever going to stop the insanity. Try different things like listening to music or watching TV. Think about whatever helps you get your mind off of food, and do whatever you need to do to keep from vomiting up everything you eat. Change your thinking, and your actions will follow. It is a process and doesn't always happen overnight. Just don't give up. Practice makes perfect.
Helping the alcoholic by not helping!
Boundaries are important. It’s your right as a parent to enforce house rules. If you choose to have an alcohol free home and your child decides to drink, it is okay to tell the child to find another place to sleep. Handing the child a sleeping bag and pillow with directions to the local lounge chair by the pool is acceptable. At first you might cry yourself to sleep, but over time you will experience a freedom like never before. Why should you stay up all night wondering what the alcoholic is doing downstairs? Who’s to say they aren’t going to drink themselves into a blackout, leave a cigarette burning on the sofa, and burn down your house. Too many well meaning parents suffer daily from a child’s drinking because they were afraid to upset their child. Guilt must become a four letter word. As a parent no matter how responsible you might feel for your child’s drinking, it is not your fault. You are not to blame and you are not responsible for getting them sober. Your only responsibility is taking care of yourself. Think about it, you’ve spent years ranting and raving, crying and grieving but to no avail. Not one bit of your pity party made a dent in your child’s drinking so why not try another approach. You won’t be labeled a bad parent turning the focus from the child onto yourself. In fact, overtime, it could be the best parenting decision you’ll ever make. Here is a list of don’ts: don’t nag. Don’t pour alcohol down the drain, it is a waste of money and the alcoholic will only find a way of getting more. Don’t provoke the alcoholic to anger. Alcoholics love to drink their anger away. Don’t do for the alcoholic what the alcoholic should do. Taking care of another’s responsibilities only sets up a bad habit of allowing the alcoholic to permanently neglect personal responsibilities. Alcoholics are liars whether they mean to be or not. Believing their promises is futile. It’s a good idea not to. If you do threaten or set a boundary, stick to it. Here is a list of dos: if you want to help your alcoholic child, focus on yourself. Learn all you can about alcoholism. Stay in an attitude of love and compassion but remember you must also discipline. When engaged in conversations with the alcoholic keep it simple. Talk about the weather or let the alcoholic lead the conversation. Start developing a safe relationship with the child. An alcoholic is much more willing to approach a parent who isn’t going to attack. Children crave protection no matter how old they are. Be a safe haven for your child. And learn acceptance. The easiest route to freedom is accepting other people exactly the way they are. By accepting them you quit trying to change them. It doesn’t mean you have to suffer abuse. Remember those boundaries. And remember to pray. No one is capable of coping with everything life has to offer alone. Without God’s help we fail before we ever begin. Start by thanking Him that you’ve been spared this debilitating disease alcoholics suffer with daily. You too could be just as downtrodden as your child. No one is better than anyone else in God’s eyes. We are all equal. Ask God each day what you can do for your child or better yet what He can do for your child if you get out of His way. The more you turn your child over to God, trusting that He is able to take care of him, the easier it gets. Practice makes perfect. The first step is to believe. Trust that there is a God who can heal your child and restore you to sanity. And remember, you are not Him. You are not God and He doesn’t need your help. God knows what your child needs better than you do. Daily give your child over to the care of God and go take a walk, read a good book or eat a hot fudge sundae. God is in control and He loves your child more than you do. Picture your child resting in the palm of God’s hands and leave him there.Occasionally it hurts. Some days it hurts badly. You might even cry. Go ahead. Then take a deep breath, put on Pavarotti, and let it go. Never give up hope, without hope we would die, just remember life happens in God’s time. And He always knows best.
Enabling. Just prolonging the agony.
One of the most difficult situations a parent faces is when a child suffers from alcoholism. Of all the dreams parents have for their children, chances are alcoholism isn’t one of them. Only a mother understands the pain she feels watching a child die inside. And even worse are the feelings of helplessness. Sadly we learn there is nothing we can do to get our child to quit drinking before they are ready.Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It gets worse never better. Once the disease has been established there is no turning back. Alcoholics try different methods in an attempt to control their drinking; they drink only beer or only wine. They try drinking only in the evenings or on weekends. They go to any length to control their drinking to avoid giving it up entirely. Alcoholics are convinced they cannot live without the alcohol. They are addicted; they are dependent. An alcoholic deprived of alcohol can seizure or in some cases die. Watching a child suffer this way is more than a parent can handle without help. But thank God there is help. The first step is realizing the alcoholic has a disease. The American Medical Association recognizes alcoholism as a disease that can never be cured. The drinking starts out as a crutch, an escape from life’s problems, but over time becomes a dependence that controls and destroys. It helps to treat the alcoholic as you would a friend who has cancer. Compassion, not anger, reaps huge rewards. Unfortunately the alcoholic lives in denial. Alcoholics have difficulty admitting defeat. The first step for the alcoholic is realization of the problem and a willingness to get help. Unfortunately for the family only the alcoholic can make the decision. It is possible for family and friends to delay recovery by persistently trying to get the alcoholic sober sooner than they are willing. Many well meaning parents have prolonged the drinking due to excessive nagging, blaming and scolding. Vicious cycles are created out of love and fear. A mother cries and begs her son to quit drinking. Instead of quitting he drinks more from the guilt he feels over his mother’s obvious disappointment. Alcoholics love excuses. Give an alcoholic an excuse to drink and watch him drink. Not because he wants to, but because he has to. The next step is to admit that you are powerless over your child’s drinking, just as the alcoholic is powerless over the alcohol. Once you determine there is nothing you can do, you will be better off. It sounds harsh to say you’ll find happiness by refusing to help your child, but by refusing to help your child you are actually helping him more. We all have a God given path we must walk. By refusing to allow your child to walk on his path you are interfering in God’s plan. Children must learn to suffer the consequences of their own behavior. If parents are pouring liquor down drains, bailing kids out of jail, paying expensive fines and covering up, the child isn’t forced to suffer any consequences, therefore not learning from the mistakes he makes. These behaviors will continue until you as a parent step back and put the reigns back into your child’s hands.
Book Review: Addiction: A Personal Story
Guest CommentaryADDICTION: A Personal Story--Offers Rich Resource ToolBy Rev. Austin Mileswww.MichNews.com Nov 6, 2006
It is not just the 'unsaved' that becomes ensnared. All families are vulnerable. The scourge of addiction has intruded into families one would least expect to be affected by the drug and alcohol problem. And this includes some prominent Christian families and even some church leaders. We have all been made aware of the failure of a high-profile pastor who apparently struggled with both drug and sexual addiction.
The best counseling you can receive is from those who have been in a situation similar to yours, managed to get through it, and [even] though damaged by the experience, landed on their feet and reclaimed their lives.
Addiction: A Personal Story, commendably written by Lacy Enderson who lived the horror of addiction and eventually conquered it, gives us a full account of an extremely difficult and painful journey. But this work shows that no matter how tough it is you can overcome, as has been proven by the author who would have been labeled as a "worst case scenario."
She details her fears, struggles, uncontrolled anger, destructive rage, doubts and humiliations along with the enormous guilt feelings that come from the addiction that controlled her life.
Then there were the sometimes brutal body reactions (as it craves more and more), that demands surrender.
The author describes in lurid detail the degrading episodes that shamed her and caused so much pain not only for herself but her loved ones as well. It cost her two husbands who finally reached a breaking point due to her drunken behavior and walked out.
Since her recovery she has been happily re-married for more than nine years. Her husband, Richard, is a recovered addict and they both have learned the principles of a good marriage.
Written as a daily devotional, each page leads off with a Scripture verse that was thoughtfully and carefully selected. Then there is a portion of the author's life...the dumb things she did while under the influence, details of who she talked to, what encouraged her, how her cravings overtook her and what she was thinking.
Each page contains a "Thought to Meditate On." These thoughts, which are a wrap-up of each episode described, are very powerful and will sometimes jolt the reader.
Under that is a space with the heading, "Thoughts and Revelations," which gives the readers a place to write down what they are thinking as they read the page.
Never has any devotional work gripped this reviewer like Addiction: A Personal Story. Each page gives bits and snippets of the author's life, which becomes more and more intriguing and compelling. You want to know what is coming next.
Indeed, I defy any reader to simply read the page for the day and put the book down until the next day. The reader will be drawn to read further and further as the story of Lacy Enderson unfolds.
She takes you on the whole journey, disturbing as it is, but one that does end in victory after her desperate determination overruled her demanding cravings. And that includes cigarettes among the addictions she had to conquer.
Sometimes the author is so candid and honest about her life, with such personal revelations, that you hesitate to read further feeling that you may be intruding upon her privacy.
There are times the reader will even feel a little uncomfortable. She wants you to know it all; how the alcoholic justifies drinking, the deceptions that become a part of the addict's life…how she learned to manipulate and control others, and of course, the excuses that she had down pat. She is very frank about her failures, the disgraces she experienced and how she fought her way back. In so doing she offers hope to the hopeless.
Every emotion...every challenge the addict experiences is covered. There is no ducking any of it. This book will be an eye-opener for every addict who reads it. And they will read it if someone who cares provides a copy. It is a mirror of the life every addict lives. The Forward by Trisha Lee tells how to read and benefit from this book.
After an Introduction, the author tells how she used any excuse she could think of in order to justify her drinking, such as, "Even Jesus drank wine." Then she follows that up with almost three pages of Scriptures to show how the Lord feels about alcoholism, and urges that they be read, "on days when you try to convince yourself that one drink couldn't possibly hurt."
It is to be noted that a big role in her success was the encouragement of some of her friends.
And the reader who has a loved one going through the ordeal is encouraged to never give up on the one they care about. Often it takes several attempts over time to kick the habit.
As the author states in [one] 'Thought To Meditate On (pg.68),' " The worst thing you can do is give up on them. With each failed attempt they move one step closer to victory. Don't give up before the miracle happens."
And to cheer on the addict to be victorious, she writes this in, Thought To Meditate On, (pg. 9): " When we finally make the decision to quit drinking, God intervenes and breaks those chains of bondage to alcohol that hold us captive. He picks us up out of the dungeon of despair and puts us in a Royal Palace He created just for us. He called us to be priests and kings. Let us desire to live like one."
This very easy-to-read book is helpful in spotting warning signs of an addict or an about-to-be addict. This rich resource allows counselors to get into the head of the addicted which is essential for effective counseling. Especially concerning the addicted.
The book, put together by Bennett Deane Publishing, a new company in Simi Valley, California, is well produced with an excellent cover design, which shows a barren tree on a hill with dark forbidding clouds overhead with the ground under the tree dark. It is an attention-getter that will stand out on a bookshelf. The book can be ordered on Amazon.com.
As I read this book, I thought of the author, Ernest Hemingway who was also known for his uncontrolled binge drinking. He once said that there is one thing more that he would have liked to be able to do. And that was to go through life again.….sober. He knew he had missed a lot..
Had Addiction-A Personal Story been available in his time, perhaps Hemingway would have been able to experience at least a sober second half of his life.
Copyright by Rev. Austin Miles
------------------------------Rev. Austin Miles is a chaplain and counselor who has worked with drug addicts in New York City, and worked closely with famed social psychologist Kenneth Clark in the Juvenile Decency Program founded by noted comedian, Joey Adams.
It is not just the 'unsaved' that becomes ensnared. All families are vulnerable. The scourge of addiction has intruded into families one would least expect to be affected by the drug and alcohol problem. And this includes some prominent Christian families and even some church leaders. We have all been made aware of the failure of a high-profile pastor who apparently struggled with both drug and sexual addiction.
The best counseling you can receive is from those who have been in a situation similar to yours, managed to get through it, and [even] though damaged by the experience, landed on their feet and reclaimed their lives.
Addiction: A Personal Story, commendably written by Lacy Enderson who lived the horror of addiction and eventually conquered it, gives us a full account of an extremely difficult and painful journey. But this work shows that no matter how tough it is you can overcome, as has been proven by the author who would have been labeled as a "worst case scenario."
She details her fears, struggles, uncontrolled anger, destructive rage, doubts and humiliations along with the enormous guilt feelings that come from the addiction that controlled her life.
Then there were the sometimes brutal body reactions (as it craves more and more), that demands surrender.
The author describes in lurid detail the degrading episodes that shamed her and caused so much pain not only for herself but her loved ones as well. It cost her two husbands who finally reached a breaking point due to her drunken behavior and walked out.
Since her recovery she has been happily re-married for more than nine years. Her husband, Richard, is a recovered addict and they both have learned the principles of a good marriage.
Written as a daily devotional, each page leads off with a Scripture verse that was thoughtfully and carefully selected. Then there is a portion of the author's life...the dumb things she did while under the influence, details of who she talked to, what encouraged her, how her cravings overtook her and what she was thinking.
Each page contains a "Thought to Meditate On." These thoughts, which are a wrap-up of each episode described, are very powerful and will sometimes jolt the reader.
Under that is a space with the heading, "Thoughts and Revelations," which gives the readers a place to write down what they are thinking as they read the page.
Never has any devotional work gripped this reviewer like Addiction: A Personal Story. Each page gives bits and snippets of the author's life, which becomes more and more intriguing and compelling. You want to know what is coming next.
Indeed, I defy any reader to simply read the page for the day and put the book down until the next day. The reader will be drawn to read further and further as the story of Lacy Enderson unfolds.
She takes you on the whole journey, disturbing as it is, but one that does end in victory after her desperate determination overruled her demanding cravings. And that includes cigarettes among the addictions she had to conquer.
Sometimes the author is so candid and honest about her life, with such personal revelations, that you hesitate to read further feeling that you may be intruding upon her privacy.
There are times the reader will even feel a little uncomfortable. She wants you to know it all; how the alcoholic justifies drinking, the deceptions that become a part of the addict's life…how she learned to manipulate and control others, and of course, the excuses that she had down pat. She is very frank about her failures, the disgraces she experienced and how she fought her way back. In so doing she offers hope to the hopeless.
Every emotion...every challenge the addict experiences is covered. There is no ducking any of it. This book will be an eye-opener for every addict who reads it. And they will read it if someone who cares provides a copy. It is a mirror of the life every addict lives. The Forward by Trisha Lee tells how to read and benefit from this book.
After an Introduction, the author tells how she used any excuse she could think of in order to justify her drinking, such as, "Even Jesus drank wine." Then she follows that up with almost three pages of Scriptures to show how the Lord feels about alcoholism, and urges that they be read, "on days when you try to convince yourself that one drink couldn't possibly hurt."
It is to be noted that a big role in her success was the encouragement of some of her friends.
And the reader who has a loved one going through the ordeal is encouraged to never give up on the one they care about. Often it takes several attempts over time to kick the habit.
As the author states in [one] 'Thought To Meditate On (pg.68),' " The worst thing you can do is give up on them. With each failed attempt they move one step closer to victory. Don't give up before the miracle happens."
And to cheer on the addict to be victorious, she writes this in, Thought To Meditate On, (pg. 9): " When we finally make the decision to quit drinking, God intervenes and breaks those chains of bondage to alcohol that hold us captive. He picks us up out of the dungeon of despair and puts us in a Royal Palace He created just for us. He called us to be priests and kings. Let us desire to live like one."
This very easy-to-read book is helpful in spotting warning signs of an addict or an about-to-be addict. This rich resource allows counselors to get into the head of the addicted which is essential for effective counseling. Especially concerning the addicted.
The book, put together by Bennett Deane Publishing, a new company in Simi Valley, California, is well produced with an excellent cover design, which shows a barren tree on a hill with dark forbidding clouds overhead with the ground under the tree dark. It is an attention-getter that will stand out on a bookshelf. The book can be ordered on Amazon.com.
As I read this book, I thought of the author, Ernest Hemingway who was also known for his uncontrolled binge drinking. He once said that there is one thing more that he would have liked to be able to do. And that was to go through life again.….sober. He knew he had missed a lot..
Had Addiction-A Personal Story been available in his time, perhaps Hemingway would have been able to experience at least a sober second half of his life.
Copyright by Rev. Austin Miles
------------------------------Rev. Austin Miles is a chaplain and counselor who has worked with drug addicts in New York City, and worked closely with famed social psychologist Kenneth Clark in the Juvenile Decency Program founded by noted comedian, Joey Adams.
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