I suffered terribly from peer pressure when I was a teenager. My brother had a group of friends and I wanted them to include me in their plans so I did what they did. I admit I was hyperactive and it was hard for me to calm down, but didn't that mean I was fun? They just called me squirrelly and told me to go away. The kids in his group were heavy pot smokers. They spent their lunch money on marijuana they bought from students selling it right on the school campus. Just to fit in I began buying it too. I went to the swap meet with a friend and bought a marijuana pipe and a baby bong. I was set. I had everything I thought I needed to fit in with the so called in crowd. The group was going to an Aerosmith concert and I talked my brother into allowing me to go with them. When we got there I sat down and took out my stash. I was so proud. I was going to share my weed with my new friends, and let them use my baby bong. I knew that would get me accepted. But before I knew it, I was wasted badly. And this was not fun. I had to hide in the bathroom because I was afraid the security guards were going to take me to jail. I did not function well on marijuana and this time was the worst. I tried to be cool. But everyone laughed at me. In fact they continued laughing at me for weeks. Any developed relationships with this crowd ended abruptly. I guess I didn't fit in as well as I had hoped and I was devastated. It took a while for me to develop my own identity. I wanted to be like everyone else because I didn't much like being myself. Behaving like popular people made me feel important. But today, after many years of self help, it's OK to be me. God instilled in me qualities unlike anyone else’s, and I have grown to find importance in exactly who He made me to be. Looking back to that time in my life and those people, God only knows what I ever saw in them. But I wouldn’t change that time in my life for anything. Those experiences are the reason my life is so good today.
It wasn't that I thought people were better than me; I wanted them to like me. I was friendly, I was helpful, and I would do anything for anyone to get them to accept me. Today I have come to realize God didn't want me hanging out with that group of people. I couldn't get accepted by them no matter how hard I tried because God didn't want them to accept me. It took me years to figure that out.
It is in the difficult times of my life that I have grown the most. Looking back at school days and my insecurities has helped create the high level of personal security I have today. And the teenagers I am able to help by telling my story has been the most rewarding of all. I am not proud of many things I’ve done and lives have been negatively affected by my behavior but the people I am helping today because of my mistakes far surpasses any guilt I would carry. The impact of my failure will indirectly cause the success of others. That makes every bad choice I have ever made, worth it.
Read more great stories in my book Addiction: A Personal story
http://www.lacysjourney.com
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Love Builds Up~Never Tears Down
Ephesians 4:29,31,32 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
It would be nice if we could move forward in our journey without lugging around all the baggage from our past. But sometimes the baggage is attached to the people we love. We handed it to them in a fit of rage. We tied it to their wrists during an alcoholic binge. We slung it upon their backs with mean and nasty words. My son Shaun is carrying some of that baggage. Shaun was a very busy child. He was stubborn and always getting into trouble. He was eventually diagnosed with ADHD but that was before we knew much about it. There was a time in my life when I had trouble saying anything nice. I was filled with self hatred and anger. I woke up each morning in a bad mood. I hated my life and resented Shaun for making my life miserable. I nicknamed him “Little Shit.” And he lived up to his new title. The more I yelled the more defiant Shaun became. So I yelled more. This went on until he was four. By this time he was having problems in preschool, was acting aggressively with other children and was lighting fires in the backyard. My pediatrician recommended a family counselor for Shaun. So I made an appointment and the two of us went. By the grace of God a therapist showed me my part in his unruly behavior and I made changes. I quit calling him names and I stopped yelling at him. Today Shaun is a great kid. He is highly intelligent, even tempered and loves me very much. But I do not pretend that he won’t have a lot of baggage to deal with in his future. I will continue moving forward in my journey doing the best job I can, but I will never forget to be sensitive to the pain I’ve caused.
When we are feeling good about ourselves we tend to say things that make others feel good also. Likewise, when we are troubled and in despair we tend to say things that are ugly and hurtful. The Bible tells us to make sure the words of our mouth are acceptable and pleasing not only to God but to others as well. If good words are hard for you to find make a list of them and practice them often. If in a fit of rage you find it hard to remember the good words on your list turn around and walk away.
An excerpt from Addiction: A Personal Story
http://www.lacysjourney.com
It would be nice if we could move forward in our journey without lugging around all the baggage from our past. But sometimes the baggage is attached to the people we love. We handed it to them in a fit of rage. We tied it to their wrists during an alcoholic binge. We slung it upon their backs with mean and nasty words. My son Shaun is carrying some of that baggage. Shaun was a very busy child. He was stubborn and always getting into trouble. He was eventually diagnosed with ADHD but that was before we knew much about it. There was a time in my life when I had trouble saying anything nice. I was filled with self hatred and anger. I woke up each morning in a bad mood. I hated my life and resented Shaun for making my life miserable. I nicknamed him “Little Shit.” And he lived up to his new title. The more I yelled the more defiant Shaun became. So I yelled more. This went on until he was four. By this time he was having problems in preschool, was acting aggressively with other children and was lighting fires in the backyard. My pediatrician recommended a family counselor for Shaun. So I made an appointment and the two of us went. By the grace of God a therapist showed me my part in his unruly behavior and I made changes. I quit calling him names and I stopped yelling at him. Today Shaun is a great kid. He is highly intelligent, even tempered and loves me very much. But I do not pretend that he won’t have a lot of baggage to deal with in his future. I will continue moving forward in my journey doing the best job I can, but I will never forget to be sensitive to the pain I’ve caused.
When we are feeling good about ourselves we tend to say things that make others feel good also. Likewise, when we are troubled and in despair we tend to say things that are ugly and hurtful. The Bible tells us to make sure the words of our mouth are acceptable and pleasing not only to God but to others as well. If good words are hard for you to find make a list of them and practice them often. If in a fit of rage you find it hard to remember the good words on your list turn around and walk away.
An excerpt from Addiction: A Personal Story
http://www.lacysjourney.com
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Beloved, Let Us Love One Another
My sister's husband was sharing a story with me about a couple of homeless people he had encountered, when he began to cry. The spirit of God had moved on his heart with such compassion, that to tell the story still brought tears to his eyes. The story went like this: He went to lunch with two of his co-workers. As they pulled into the parking lot he saw a homeless man yelling at his wife outside the Taco Bell. Ignoring the couple he and his friends went in, ordered their food and sat down. A few minutes later the homeless man and his wife came in and sat down next to them. My brother in law had only recently given his life to Jesus and his co-workers were unbelievers. So he was a bit uneasy when the Spirit called him to pray for this couple. “What will my friends think?” went through his mind, but the Spirit of God was strong and my brother in law was obedient. He asked the man if he could pray with him, and then he laid his hands on the man and asked God to take care of his needs. He said the power of God was so strong at that moment it was as if there was no one else in the restaurant. He was aware only of God's presence and this man. He had completely forgotten about the two co-workers who were sitting next to him. When he finished praying he said one of the man's teeth fell out of his mouth and landed on the table. He said it was an extremely uncomfortable moment. My brother-in-law reached into his pocket and handed the man some money. After he did, his co-workers each took out what change they had in their pockets and offered it to the man as well. When God speaks of love, this is the love he speaks about. Love your neighbor as yourself even when he is a dirty, poor, homeless man.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Gentle Instruction.
2 Timothy 2: 25,26
Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.
I have heard it said, “If Jesus is not your God then the Devil is.” I have heard it said, “A man who does not believe in God will believe in just about anything.” Before I came to believe in God, I was lost. I was unhappy and depressed. I constantly searched for happiness in nightclubs, in bottles, in boxes of cookies or in unhealthy relationships. I have heard it said, “God has put a void in our lives that can only be filled by Him.” I used to walk around with emptiness inside me the size of the Grand Canyon. My problem was that I didn't know how to let God fill it. The Bible says, “Knock and the door will be opened unto you. Seek and Ye shall find.” Thankfully, God put people in my life that taught me how to find Him. And when I deeply desired to find Him, He was there. If you are having a hard time with the God thing, just ask Him to reveal Himself to you and He will. That is His promise to all who seek Him.
Thought to meditate on:
I had someone ask me once why I believed in God. I remember having lots of answers but none I could put into words. I told him it was better felt than telt and I meant it. God is a feeling I have. I just know He is there. And nothing in this whole world could ever convince me otherwise. If you want that kind of confidence in God ask Him to become that real to you. I am not quite sure how I was blessed with such an awesome relationship with God but one thing I know, if He gave Himself to me He will give Himslef to you also. I'd like to think I am more special to Him to any of you, but I know I'm not.
Order your copy of ADDICTION: A Personal Story
http://www.lacysjourney.com
Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.
I have heard it said, “If Jesus is not your God then the Devil is.” I have heard it said, “A man who does not believe in God will believe in just about anything.” Before I came to believe in God, I was lost. I was unhappy and depressed. I constantly searched for happiness in nightclubs, in bottles, in boxes of cookies or in unhealthy relationships. I have heard it said, “God has put a void in our lives that can only be filled by Him.” I used to walk around with emptiness inside me the size of the Grand Canyon. My problem was that I didn't know how to let God fill it. The Bible says, “Knock and the door will be opened unto you. Seek and Ye shall find.” Thankfully, God put people in my life that taught me how to find Him. And when I deeply desired to find Him, He was there. If you are having a hard time with the God thing, just ask Him to reveal Himself to you and He will. That is His promise to all who seek Him.
Thought to meditate on:
I had someone ask me once why I believed in God. I remember having lots of answers but none I could put into words. I told him it was better felt than telt and I meant it. God is a feeling I have. I just know He is there. And nothing in this whole world could ever convince me otherwise. If you want that kind of confidence in God ask Him to become that real to you. I am not quite sure how I was blessed with such an awesome relationship with God but one thing I know, if He gave Himself to me He will give Himslef to you also. I'd like to think I am more special to Him to any of you, but I know I'm not.
Order your copy of ADDICTION: A Personal Story
http://www.lacysjourney.com
Monday, April 24, 2006
Let the poor say I am rich
I read a story in the newspaper about a man who shot his wife, his children and then himself because he could not provide for his family. For him, it was easier to have them dead than to watch them go without. Isn't that sad? He quit. He gave up. I don't know his full circumstances but I know that what he did was not the best answer. Actually, to me and to God, it was no answer at all. The stronghold that money has on some people can cause devastating results. The love of money truly is the root of all evil. Statistics show that money is the cause of most divorces. Most of my drinking when I was alone was because of financial reasons. It seems ironic now how much money I spent on alcohol to drown out my financial fears. If I added up all the money it cost me to escape from uncomfortable feelings of fear, I probably would have been able to pay the bills. That is the insanity of alcoholism. I took my last few dollars to buy cigarettes and alcohol and then complained I couldn't buy food. One of the hardest principles I had to learn in recovery was that, fear of economic failure would leave me. They told me I no longer had to be motivated by fear of finances. That didn't happen overnight. That was a long process. I couldn't imagine being free from financial fear. It was what I thought about all day long. But today if I wake up in the morning and thank God for His provision, I might not receive a new boat, but I have food, and clothes and all my needs are met. There is contentment in my life today I never experienced before.
Thought to meditate on:
I think financial insecurity is the norm for most people. Not to many people have a huge savings account and an endless supply of money. God knows we all wish we did but that is not a true reality for most people. And it seems for those who do have more, they just have bigger expenses and more bills. So in the end, we are all doing about the same financially. But God doesn't want our focus to be on what we have and don't have. He wants us focused on Him. He is our provider. He will meet all of our needs. If you put God first, He will put you first. The Bible says that God wants you lacking no good thing. He wants your vats to be full and overflowing.
Order your copy of Addiction: A Personal Story online at Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0977741702
Thought to meditate on:
I think financial insecurity is the norm for most people. Not to many people have a huge savings account and an endless supply of money. God knows we all wish we did but that is not a true reality for most people. And it seems for those who do have more, they just have bigger expenses and more bills. So in the end, we are all doing about the same financially. But God doesn't want our focus to be on what we have and don't have. He wants us focused on Him. He is our provider. He will meet all of our needs. If you put God first, He will put you first. The Bible says that God wants you lacking no good thing. He wants your vats to be full and overflowing.
Order your copy of Addiction: A Personal Story online at Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0977741702
Sunday, March 19, 2006
What's in a relationship? Alcohol or Jesus?
Rise Up
2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
I was at a bar one night with some friends and I saw a man I wanted to meet. I was tired of being alone so I waited until he left the bar and I chased him down the parking lot. Can you believe it? I had a few cans of liquid courage in me so I was able to put on the charm and ask him for his phone number. I never could have done that sober. Actually, if I was sober, I never would have wanted to meet a guy in a bar. I called him the next day and we began dating. The strange thing about this guy is he didn't drink at all. He said he didn't like the way he felt the next day. That's funny, neither did I, but that didn't stop me from drinking. Ironically I found myself drinking more because he was sober. I guess I didn't have enough confidence in myself to think a sober guy would find me attractive. I always went out with drunks who thought I was a ravishing beauty. His sobriety made me more nervous, and gave me even more reason to drink. That relationship ended abruptly. I wasn't much fun to be around, drunk all the time. And looking back I am surprised he didn't dump me a whole lot sooner. No matter how hard I tried to drink socially, I always turned into a drunken idiot. I discovered that drunk women are not attractive and I tried hard not to be one. But I failed everytime I picked up that first drink. And when I think about the guy I met in the bar, I get embarrassed. I pray I don't ever run into him.
Thought to meditate on:
I do not have one story to tell of a successful dating relationship between myself and a man I met in a bar. Not one. I guess that should tell us something. I would tend to believe that the statistics of relationships lasting between two people meeting in a bar are low. I am not saying that nice people don't go to bars. I went to bars and I was a nice person. But the majority of people who go to bars are not the type of people I would want a serious relationship with. Not even when I was drinking. Maybe you should take up a sport or a hobby and find people with similar interests. I think the chance of a successful relationship might be higher this way. Just for the record, I met my third husband in alcoholics anonymous. It wasn't on the list of places I wanted to meet a man, but it worked out OK.
ADDICTION: A Personal Story
purchase your copy here: http://www.lacysjourney.com
2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
I was at a bar one night with some friends and I saw a man I wanted to meet. I was tired of being alone so I waited until he left the bar and I chased him down the parking lot. Can you believe it? I had a few cans of liquid courage in me so I was able to put on the charm and ask him for his phone number. I never could have done that sober. Actually, if I was sober, I never would have wanted to meet a guy in a bar. I called him the next day and we began dating. The strange thing about this guy is he didn't drink at all. He said he didn't like the way he felt the next day. That's funny, neither did I, but that didn't stop me from drinking. Ironically I found myself drinking more because he was sober. I guess I didn't have enough confidence in myself to think a sober guy would find me attractive. I always went out with drunks who thought I was a ravishing beauty. His sobriety made me more nervous, and gave me even more reason to drink. That relationship ended abruptly. I wasn't much fun to be around, drunk all the time. And looking back I am surprised he didn't dump me a whole lot sooner. No matter how hard I tried to drink socially, I always turned into a drunken idiot. I discovered that drunk women are not attractive and I tried hard not to be one. But I failed everytime I picked up that first drink. And when I think about the guy I met in the bar, I get embarrassed. I pray I don't ever run into him.
Thought to meditate on:
I do not have one story to tell of a successful dating relationship between myself and a man I met in a bar. Not one. I guess that should tell us something. I would tend to believe that the statistics of relationships lasting between two people meeting in a bar are low. I am not saying that nice people don't go to bars. I went to bars and I was a nice person. But the majority of people who go to bars are not the type of people I would want a serious relationship with. Not even when I was drinking. Maybe you should take up a sport or a hobby and find people with similar interests. I think the chance of a successful relationship might be higher this way. Just for the record, I met my third husband in alcoholics anonymous. It wasn't on the list of places I wanted to meet a man, but it worked out OK.
ADDICTION: A Personal Story
purchase your copy here: http://www.lacysjourney.com
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Woe! To Be Accepted.
Your Word Have I Hid in my Heart
Deuteronomy 6:5-8
These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Growing up I went to fifteen different summer and winter church camps in nine years. They usually took place in the mountains somewhere by a lake. I remember by the end of each week I was so hungry for God that He was all I thought about for weeks. There was something powerful about being away from peer pressure, up in the mountains surrounded by nature. If I could have stayed on the mountain forever I would have. Oh the years of misery I could have alleviated. But as soon as I'd get back into the old crowd, and the old lifestyle, God was pushed to the side and my life was falling down hill all over again. It wasn't that I didn't want to live right. I just didn't know how to. I had friends from Church who sat in a circle on the lawn at lunch time. They ate, and had fellowship. I was so jealous of their relationships. They actually socialized with each other outside of Church. I really wanted to join them but I could not pull myself away from the corrupt crowd I hung around with. I always felt so guilty sitting with them. I felt like a hypocrite. They heard the stories about me at the parties I attended. Everybody did. I felt unworthy of their friendships so I stayed far away from them. I try not to beat myself up because of my mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Even they have failed over the years. But at least they gave themselves a chance. I was always to afraid.
Thought to meditate on:
My Church friends never judged me. I was the one who judged me. It was my own guilt that kept me separated from some very nice people. At camp we got along great but at school I just couldn't join them. Personal guilt and self condemnation stood in my way. Drugs and alcohol was my god when I was down off that mountain and unfortunately would remain my central focus for a very long time.
http://www.personaladdiction.com
Deuteronomy 6:5-8
These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Growing up I went to fifteen different summer and winter church camps in nine years. They usually took place in the mountains somewhere by a lake. I remember by the end of each week I was so hungry for God that He was all I thought about for weeks. There was something powerful about being away from peer pressure, up in the mountains surrounded by nature. If I could have stayed on the mountain forever I would have. Oh the years of misery I could have alleviated. But as soon as I'd get back into the old crowd, and the old lifestyle, God was pushed to the side and my life was falling down hill all over again. It wasn't that I didn't want to live right. I just didn't know how to. I had friends from Church who sat in a circle on the lawn at lunch time. They ate, and had fellowship. I was so jealous of their relationships. They actually socialized with each other outside of Church. I really wanted to join them but I could not pull myself away from the corrupt crowd I hung around with. I always felt so guilty sitting with them. I felt like a hypocrite. They heard the stories about me at the parties I attended. Everybody did. I felt unworthy of their friendships so I stayed far away from them. I try not to beat myself up because of my mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Even they have failed over the years. But at least they gave themselves a chance. I was always to afraid.
Thought to meditate on:
My Church friends never judged me. I was the one who judged me. It was my own guilt that kept me separated from some very nice people. At camp we got along great but at school I just couldn't join them. Personal guilt and self condemnation stood in my way. Drugs and alcohol was my god when I was down off that mountain and unfortunately would remain my central focus for a very long time.
http://www.personaladdiction.com
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