Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones and Words Hurt Too!

Emotional pain is hard to get rid of especially when you are emotionally weak. I have been called names that I wouldn't repeat to my worst enemy. I have been criticized and put down. I have been slandered and ridiculed.
I discovered that if I could transfer the emotional pain I was feeling to my body then my heart wouldn't hurt so bad. So I began hurting myself. I scratched my arms with my fingernails; I beat my head with my fists. I have even experienced such moments of insanity when I tore up my face like a desperate animal.
Self abuse is a lot like alcohol. They both numbed the pain. When my body was hurting, I couldn't feel the pain in my heart as intensely. The focus of my pain switched from one I could not control, to one I was responsible for. I was in control of self inflicted pain.
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I have since learned that nobody has the right to hurt me with words. I realize people can be hurtful. But more often than not it is because they are hurting also. It is not always about me. Sometimes it is about them and If I practice compassion I would be less offended.
God has given me an imaginary shield. It blocks the fiery darts of attack and the words don't penetrate my heart like they used to. I feel sorry for people who hurt others with their words. Only a monster could spit out such slander with no regret.
The Bible tells us; "Out of the abundance of the heart, a man speaks." If our hearts are not right, then our words will not be right either.
Be careful what you say. God spoke the world into existence. We give more power to the devil by the words of our mouths than in any other way. Let the words of your mouth be holy and acceptable, pleasing unto God. Quit speaking death and destruction over your circumstances and others. Start speaking life.
For example; let us say you get sober and you are very happy about it but you share with your friend how you don't think you will be able to stay sober long. That is speaking destruction over your life. If that is the way you truly feel than you might as well drink again. Learn to think positive and before long you'll be speaking it too.
The way I see it God made us all exactly how he wanted us to be. He molded us together into unique individuals from the time we were conceived. When we criticize one of God's children we are telling God we don't approve of his handiwork. But I didn't always understand this concept.
My sister was born with a long, ski slope nose. Looking back, it was actually cute and suited her. But she endured years of teasing and name calling. Children called her Pinnochio and asked if they could go skiing on her nose.
By the time she graduated from high school she had no self esteem, a weight problem and no idea how beautiful she really was. She quickly got a nose job to change the one thing she believed had gotten in the way of her happiness.
But people are mean. I was mean. I told my sister that her new nose didn't look right on her face. I told her it was better long than wrong. Luckily my sister didn't really care what I thought. She was quite happy with her new appearance and had become a wonderful person living a really neat life.
I have learned that people who have low self esteem put other people down. I suppose maybe that is why I felt the need to criticize my sister. Confidence in my self was never a strong point. In fact, I thought very little of myself for a very long time.
Examine yourself before you put others under a magnifying glass. Chances are, it is you with the problem.
Hiding behind a beer or a cigarette gave me false power. They were my security blanket for a poor self image. I remember drinking beer and smoking cigarettes and feeling stronger and more powerful than anyone. But it was only a front.
Deep inside I was weak and timid and deathly afraid of everyone. Today I still feel timid at times but I refuse to find liquid courage in a bottle. I am who I am and I have learned to be happy with that.