Enabling. Just prolonging the agony.

One of the most difficult situations a parent faces is when a child suffers from alcoholism. Of all the dreams parents have for their children, chances are alcoholism isn’t one of them. Only a mother understands the pain she feels watching a child die inside. And even worse are the feelings of helplessness. Sadly we learn there is nothing we can do to get our child to quit drinking before they are ready.Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It gets worse never better. Once the disease has been established there is no turning back. Alcoholics try different methods in an attempt to control their drinking; they drink only beer or only wine. They try drinking only in the evenings or on weekends. They go to any length to control their drinking to avoid giving it up entirely. Alcoholics are convinced they cannot live without the alcohol. They are addicted; they are dependent. An alcoholic deprived of alcohol can seizure or in some cases die. Watching a child suffer this way is more than a parent can handle without help. But thank God there is help. The first step is realizing the alcoholic has a disease. The American Medical Association recognizes alcoholism as a disease that can never be cured. The drinking starts out as a crutch, an escape from life’s problems, but over time becomes a dependence that controls and destroys. It helps to treat the alcoholic as you would a friend who has cancer. Compassion, not anger, reaps huge rewards. Unfortunately the alcoholic lives in denial. Alcoholics have difficulty admitting defeat. The first step for the alcoholic is realization of the problem and a willingness to get help. Unfortunately for the family only the alcoholic can make the decision. It is possible for family and friends to delay recovery by persistently trying to get the alcoholic sober sooner than they are willing. Many well meaning parents have prolonged the drinking due to excessive nagging, blaming and scolding. Vicious cycles are created out of love and fear. A mother cries and begs her son to quit drinking. Instead of quitting he drinks more from the guilt he feels over his mother’s obvious disappointment. Alcoholics love excuses. Give an alcoholic an excuse to drink and watch him drink. Not because he wants to, but because he has to. The next step is to admit that you are powerless over your child’s drinking, just as the alcoholic is powerless over the alcohol. Once you determine there is nothing you can do, you will be better off. It sounds harsh to say you’ll find happiness by refusing to help your child, but by refusing to help your child you are actually helping him more. We all have a God given path we must walk. By refusing to allow your child to walk on his path you are interfering in God’s plan. Children must learn to suffer the consequences of their own behavior. If parents are pouring liquor down drains, bailing kids out of jail, paying expensive fines and covering up, the child isn’t forced to suffer any consequences, therefore not learning from the mistakes he makes. These behaviors will continue until you as a parent step back and put the reigns back into your child’s hands.